


Reach For The Sky

by Eirenei



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-02
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-11 07:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/475935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirenei/pseuds/Eirenei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snippets of Harry's life with three giant robots. Who said that the life after Voldemort was boring?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or Harry Potter. No way, no how. But I do own this little story.
> 
> Warnings: Hinted slash, strange situations and maybe too short of a read. /cringes/ Sowwy! Anyway, the pairings are: Harry/Megatron, Harry/Barricade, Harry/Starscream. Oh, and there's no definite timeline.

 

* * *

**1) Bachelor**

Much to the surprise of anyone who knew him, one Harry James Potter was still a bachelor; but not for the lack of trying from ladies' side. It was just… he seemed to be married to the racing car that came in his possession roughly two months ago.

* * *

**2) Squishy**

For someone as big as Megatron was, it was understandable to regard the… humans as squishies. However, Megatron decided that one particular squishy intrigued him, and just for the sake of curiosity, he would let that squishy live.

* * *

**3) Fly**

Harry whooped in delight as F-22 raptor made another barrel and then seamlessly slid into the corkscrew. He had the time of his life; unfortunately, the co-pilot didn't share his sentiments, judging by the green tinge of his face.

* * *

**4) Drive**

Hermione disapproved of his… participation in car races, no matter how many times Harry told her it was completely safe. And for some reason, Harry's car hold a grudge against the bushy know-it-all witch. Gee, wonder why?

* * *

**5) Possessed**

The pilots whispered that this particular F-22 was cursed. Until now, it ejected every pilot, except old McLahan, but McLahan was relocated, and they wondered how would a newbie pilot the _'Hellspawn',_ as they 'lovingly' nicknamed the Decepticon.

* * *

**6) Red**

Megatron was never scared more than when he had seen the snake squishy 'kill' his Harry. And then, he saw red.

* * *

**7) Spark**

He may not have a heart, but he had a Spark; and it belonged to one Harry James Potter. Barricade didn't mind – after all, he had gotten Harry's heart instead.

* * *

**8) Name**

To hear his name from the mouth of that particular fleshling was one of the most beautiful sounds in universe.

* * *

**9) Hedwig**

Even if the snowy bird was old, she still hen-pecked the strange suitors of her Master-Harry into order. How in the hell did she do that, it would remain a mystery; but it provided great entertainment for Harry and Weasley twins, and caused eternal bafflement on the mechs' side. But they did gain a healthy dose of respect for the old bird.

* * *

**10) Rival**

The three of them wanted the slender wizard for themselves, and they were willing to fight tooth and nail against each other. However, with appearance of one Ginny Weasley, they called for a truce and agreed that presenting united front was for the best.

* * *

**11) Holoform**

Remus Lupin frowned. His godson's new… friends were strange. One with silver hair and violet eyes that occasionally flashed red, one with unruly copper mop and sky blue eyes, and the last with black hair and black eyes. Oh, they were polite, alright. But what concerned Remus the most, was the metallic under-tinge in their scents. And what scared him, was that they definitely had designs on his innocent godson. But he was fucking _terrified_ of their power. Just _what_ were they?

* * *

**12) Hate**

If there was anything they loathed more than squishies – with some rare exceptions – it was Ron's pet owl, Pigwidgeon. Somehow, Pig was dumb enough to constantly choose their alt forms for his temporary home, and it was driving them bonkers, especially when they were forbidden to do anything to the feathered menace.

* * *

**13) Veela**

Like all women, one Fleur Delacour, soon to be Weasley, had a healthy appreciation of beautiful male forms. And like any sensible Veela, she wanted a beautiful mate. Smiling coyly, she began to radiate her allure as she approached the three males Harry brought to the celebration. Imagine her surprise - no, downtight _shock,_ when they just glanced at her and continued their heated debate.

* * *

**14) Wash**

If Barricade had any weakness, it was a wash. Not any ordinary wash no – he had a weakness for the car wash done by Harry himself.

* * *

**15) First**

Harry nearly had a heart attack when he had seen the metal behemoth with red eyes crouching in front of him. _'But didn't Hermione say that electricity doesn't work in close quarters with magic?_ ' His subconscious managed to squawk out, before Harry' s attention was grabbed by the speaking mech.

* * *

**16) Hope**

Harry didn't know, but he gave the three mechs hope. For Megatron, it meant he didn't feel as outcast anymore. Slag the Matrix and Allspark; he was just fine without them. For Starscream it meant that he appreciated the sky again, awed at the freedom which it offered; especially when shared with Harry. For barricade it meant acceptance and sharing the joy of adrenaline of races . Harry was still clueless, but that was just fine with them; as long as they had Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or Harry Potter. No way, no how. But I do own this little story.
> 
> Warnings: Hinted slash, strange situations, and our favourite mechs abound. Anyway, the pairings are: Harry/Megatron, Harry/Barricade, Harry/Starscream  
> ________________________________________

 

* * *

**_1) Hellspawn_ **

"Hey, do you know who will pilot _Hellspawn_ today?" A pilot asked his comrades. They shuddered in unison. »I feel for the poor devil that will be stuck with it,« Another pilot commented, his recognising feature was a deep slash over his right eye It became almost a ritual initiation of some sort, to con the newbies into piloting the F-22 that was – to say it mildly – difficult to the extreme. You had to have a good stomach and even better nerves, what with some stunts the plane pulled on you, just out of the blue. And if there were no newbies… it was a mad scramble for any F-22 that wasn't the _Hellspawn._ So they played – somewhat demented version of music chair – only difference was, that the poor fucker who was the last for any reason, had to go on hair-raising ride with the _Hellspawn_ itself.

"Huh, you are in luck," A mechanic grumbled out. "Seems that they sent some whiz kid with orders to ride the _Hellspawn_ and find out what is wrong with the bird." He hacked a little, his voice still scratchy from the all-nighter he pulled.

The pilots looked at each other. "A newbie, huh?" One asked, grinning nastily. »Should be fun to see.«

His companions agreed enthusiastically. Anyone but them, it was the first rule of survival.

* * *

**_2) Sleepover_ **

Harry stared. And stared again. "You seriously don't know what sleepover is?" He asked incredulously. The three mechs shook their heads almost simultaneously. »… And you didn't think to look it up on internet?«

The three of them looked sheepish – if three most bloodthirsty Decepticons could ever look sheepish that is – and then, froze.

"It's a _girl_ _thing?"_ Starscream asked, his voice squeaky with surprise.

Harry sighed. "Yes, it's a girl thing." He answered patiently. "But that doesn't mean guys can't have sleepovers," He explained patiently. "It's just…different. We talk about… guy things, our favorite soccer teams, girls and the like." A light of recognition brightened three pairs of optics. "Ahhh…" Barricade rumbled out. "So can we have a sleepover?" he asked, making a puppy-dog-eyes face.

Harry blinked. "Uh…. I think my house is a little too small for that, no offense," He offered weakly.

"We'll take care of that," Megatron interrupted him. "You just have the house ready for the party."

Harry sighed, defeated. "Right, right," He agreed. Already wary of the havoc the three of them would undoubtedly make. Besides, how on Earth would three giant robots even stuff themselves in his little cottage, anyway?

* * *

**_3) Overdrive_ **

The first time Barricade felt the boy touch him, he felt his systems go in overdrive. The boy wasn't anything impressive – he was smaller than average male of his age, black, unruly hair, scrawny form clothed in too big clothes for some reason, with ugly pair of glasses on his nose.

Normally, Barricade wouldn't let the urchin come to him, or even touch him with his filthy fleshy paws for anything in the world.

But he had no choice. And so, he resigned himself to be pawed and fondled once again, like any of those scraps of metal the squishies called used cars.

_And oh **Primus,** it was **so** worth it…._

* * *

**_4) Penalty_ **

Hermione looked around nervously. For some reason, she was collecting penalty tickets lately. She gulped. What would it be this time? She clutched her purse to herself, as she nervously headed to her mother's car.

_'Please don't let there be penalty ticker, please don't let there be a penalty ticker, pl – '_

She looked at the windshield nervously. A relieved sigh escaped her, as she saw a clear surface.

She quietly yelped in delight. »Yay! Take that, you - !«

Grinning, she set herself on opening the car… when she saw a shadow behind her.

She gulped.

"Miss Granger?" A cultured voice asked her sternly. »We really have to stop meeting like this...by the way, you parked on the _No Parking_ zone, and in addition, you exceeded the speeding limit for the village.«

Strong, elegant fingers drew out a small block while the male spoke, and poised a ballpoint on the paper.

Large brown eyes looked at the stern visage of the handsome policeman. "W – Well, I, uh… It was just for five minutes!" She babbled out.

The policeman paused. Dark eyes looked at her, making her feel exposed and small, as if she were a naughty toddler.

»Still a five minutes too much, Miss Granger,« He told her, his voice firm. "Now, that will be 500 pounds… and don't forget to pay the last one, Miss Granger," he advised her mildly. "It was due yesterday."

With a satisfying _rrriip,_ he tore of the list of paper off the block and solemnly held it to her.

Clenching her teeth, he forced herself to nod. "Of course, officer. How kind of you to remember, I really don't know where I misplaced my head," She smiled a sweet, if a little bit forced smile.

He nodded. "I understand; people are becoming more and more forgetful nowadays." He turned around. "And please, don't forget to call someone to deal with the wheel-clamping."

"Yes, yes, I will," Hermione gritted through her teeth, seething silently.

To Barricade, she looked out as an overgrown puffy cat. He suppressed the urge to laugh, as he nodded politely. "See that you do, and I hope we won't meet ourselves so frequently from now on."

"Yeah, I hope so, too," Hermione nodded primly.

When he walked away, she watched him with her killer stare. Oh, how she wished that he would just drop dead!

"That damned bobby," she muttered to herself, as she attempted to unlock the car.

"Language, young lady." An all too familiar voice floated to her ears. "And that would be additional 150 pounds for insulting an official person on their duty."

Hermione groaned. At that rate, her Gringotts vault would be empty before this year would be over!

* * *

**_5) Vehicle_ **

Harry stared. "So, you are living, talking, moving alien vehicle from the space… and what does that have to do it with me?" He deadpanned, looking in Megatron's red optics unflinchingly.

* * *

**_6) Pimp_ **

"Yo, dude!" Harry was ambushed by the overenthusiastic commentator with a little too sparkly smile. He blinked owlishly. "Me?" he repeated dumbly. The commentator beamed. "Yeah, you! You were chosen for the _Pimp My Ride!_ Aren't you excited?" Harry blinked again. "Run that by me again?" He asked slowly. "I was chosen for…"

The commentator nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, man! You have such a poor ride – ya know, how on earth it still works I don't know – Does it even _works?_ " He pointed to the scrap of metal in front of Harry's garage disdainfully. "So we will take this trash and change it into a lil' beauty, only for you! Whaddya say about that? Cool, huh?"

Harry's brains finally caught up. "Oh…. _OH!_ You are talking about repairing my car!" He exclaimed out.

The commentator sweat dropped. "Yeah…So, you ready for the change of your life?" he grinned a cheesy grin, draping one arm over Harry's shoulders.

"Um, It's really not neccesarry..." Harry tried, fending the man away from him. Or tried to.

"Awe, cutie, don't worry, it will be the sweetest ride evah, I promise ya!" The man still didn't understand.

In this moment, the so-called scrap of metal let out a screech, worthy of Starscream, - which ruined all the cameras, by the way - and hightailed out – er, as much as it could hightail out, being the scrap junk as it was. (It hobbled out, really.)

The looked at the fleeing car blankly.

"Dude, you hurt its' feelings." A cameraman told the gaping commentator blankly.

Harry looked at the lost man. "And you just lost me a ride." He told him flatly.

* * *

**_7) Recharge_ **

Harry wanted to sleep. _Wanted_ to. _Intended_ to. But for some reason, there were some loud whines – loud for him, anyway – heard from the hangar.

"If that continues, we'll have to rename you from _Hellspawn_ to _Crybaby_ ," He muttered crankily, before grabbing his blanket and stalking out of the cabin he shared with three pilots.

The whines quietened steadily – but Harry didn't worry about it's origin, because he knew who exactly was emitting those ghastly sounds.

He looked at the smug F-22. "Happy now?" He asked grumpily. The fighter jet let loose a small rumbling, purr, as if it were a giant cat.

Harry sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it!" He snapped at the irritating scrap of metal. He snuggled into the blanket, before curling under one of the wings.

No matter where he curled up, he invariably woke up in the cockpit somehow, anyway.

Starscream waited until his pilot slipped into deep recharge, before transforming and carefully moving him into the cockpit. He really didn't want his fleshling – especially one with such strong thirst for the sky – freeze because of cold air or something.

The security would just have to suck it up and deal with it.

* * *

**_8) Stalker_ **

Harry stopped. There! It was there again! He suppressed a shiver and the urge to pull out his trusty wand. Instead, he reached for his trusty pistol – a strange mix of magic and muggle technology he managed to smuggle past the wizarding and muggle securities. Bless Hermione and Luna for their inventive minds, but Harry refused to give the one thing that saved his life more times he could count to some idiotic researchers of some idiotic Ministry of Magic. No way, no how.

But he had a sinking feeling…

A familiar whine sounded… _right there._

Under his window, actually.

Opening his window, he stared at the all too familiar silohuette of F-22 he supposedly left back at Alamo…. _Supposedly._

However, the Hellspawn was now there, sitting on his lawn, like some sort of innocent puppy.

Just, it was _way_ bigger than average puppy, and Harry had to wonder just how did the thing found it's way here.

"You realize that what you are doing is called stalking?" He asked the Hellspawn on his lawn dryly, which purred softly in the answer.

"And I can't even appeal to anyone about that…" Harry muttered sourly. "Besides, who in their right mind would believe me that a giant F-22 was stalking me, anyway?"

The Hellspawn just purred again, and Harry's eyebrow twitched at the mirthful undertone in its' purr.

He sighed. "Have to call 'em, that you are missing," He sighed again, massaging his temple.

Migraine, here we come.

In the base, the mechanics couldn't believe their eyes. "It… _left?"_ A head mechanic croaked out disbelievingly.

"Y-yes. It left… look at the logs, it truly left…" The junior mechanic said excitely.

A tremendous whoop of joy shook the hangar.

"THANK GOD!/ALLAH!/JASHIN! _WE'RE SAVED!"_

This night, the last bottle of champagne was opened, despite the strict regs, and all crew, from mechanics, to pilots, to the command tower celebrated the disappearance of the mysterious Hellspawn, with tears of relief sliding copiously down their cheeks.

* * *

**_9) Time_ **

Time was a consistent thing. Time could run. Time could halt still. And for Harry his time was stolen by the three of the giant robots.

"Harry – " Barricade tried to reason with the mutinous wizard.

"I said _NO!"_ Harry exploded at last. "This is _ME_ time, meaning I want for some time alone, nookie time, time for me to get to know Mr. Hand –"

Starscream blinked. "And _who,_ exactly, is _Mr. Hand?"_ He growled out dangerously, the growl was echoed by the two other mechs.

Harry groaned, fighting urge to facepalm.

Just how to explain those overly possesive… idiots, that he wanted some 'happy time' alone?

He didn't relish talking about human procreation, thank you very much.

* * *

**_10) Myth_ **

"But wizards are just a myth…" Megatron stated, his red optics looking at the human in his servos inquiringly. Harry glared. "Oh, _yeah._ And walking, talking, feeling behemoths of metal that are more advanced that anything humankind could come up with, are _just_ a myth, too."

He snapped back irritated.

Sometimes, it sucked being a wizard.

And what sucked more, was that irritating logic of theirs.

For being so irrational sometimes, they were truly a bunch of disbelieving Thomases to boot.

* * *

**_11) Warp_ **

"What is a… warp speed?" Starscream asked inquiringly, red eyes curious -

Harry stiffened.

"Did you watched _Star Trek_ again?" Harry asked slowly, fearing the answer.

Starscream nodded. "Yeah."

Harry sighed. "It's faster than the speed of light and –"

Starscream's eyes became huge. "Wow. And squishies – _humans_ –" he corrected himself quickly at Harry's long-suffering glare, "Travel at warp speed?"

"No," Harry deadpanned. "We become pancakes."

* * *

**_12)Music_ **

Harry listened to the music, entranced.

Barricade smirked to himself smugly.

He may not be the handsomest mech – well, he was one of the spikiest around - but his music was his pride and joy.

And his spark was warmed up everytime he shared his gift with the small, green-eyed squishy named Harry.

* * *

**_13) Official_ **

It was official. One Harry Potter was off the market.

The race queens pouted. It wasn't fair! Harry – or Bolt, as they called him in the racing circles, was one of the cuter ones, and there wasn't a woman that didn't wish to have this stallion in her bed.

But this – this was _hot!_

They yowled like cats in heat, when a tall, built man grabbed slender green-eyed one into strong embrace, black hair tumbling sexily on his forehead, as the dark as night eyes behind the red visor looked at the blushing Harry hotly. The man was clothed in black leather pants, and jacket, leaving his chest naked to the lustful stares of the crowd.

"You've driven me well," The man purred into Harry's face, his voice unlike the smooth purr of Harry's racing car.

"I think that deserves a reward… don't you?"

Harry nodded, flustered, before he was tugged into kiss that liquefied his knees in a jiffy.

He didn't notice the flashlights, he didn't notice the screams… his thoughts were only on Barricade's hot and heavy kiss and unvoiced promises.

* * *

**_14) Checkmate_ **

"Checkmate." Megatron's voice purred out smugly, as the redhead gaped at the chessboard. "Wha – Bu-Wha-How?" Ron managed to bleat out, his eyes huge with surprise.

Megatron sighed. This was the twentieth time in this night, and it became boring. Harry had introduced him to the sixth Weasley boy in the hopes of Ron and Megatron finding a worthy challenge in their chess skills, but _noo_ … the brat was _pathetic._

He had more challenge from _Optimus,_ and that was telling enough – especially because those Autoslags were winning mostly on the pure dumb luck.

This last win of theirs, was only because of that fleshling, _Ladiesman 217_ or something –

He threaded his right hand through the silver hair, irritated with the way his thoughts turned to.

Then, he felt a small, slender hand on his left shoulder. "Again?" Harry asked with a chuckle.

Megatron groaned. "Yeah." He glared at the redhead, who squeaked and quailed under his stare.

Well, Megatron _was_ intimidating – tall and with wide shoulders, he was taller than anyone, except Hagrid. He was imposing, even clothed in casual clothes – black trousers and blood red shirt that accentuated his burgundy colored eyes. His face was stern and chiseled, like the face of a war general. Thin lips and strong jaw only accentuated his strong presence and will.

Even Dumbledore was, for some reason, cowed by the presence of this stranger, and that was saying much for the aged wizard.

But when Megatron looked at Harry, his lips quirked into a small smirk, and dark eyes softening slightly with affection –

He was the epitome of a prime meat of any human or humanoid female out there.

Silvery blue eyes looked at the strange General hungrily.

 _Yes,_ she swore to herself.

He would be _hers._

* * *

**_15) Compute_ **

It just didn't compute. _Magic?_

When Harry told them about that… strange energy, they thought the fleshling was kidding. But with Harry presenting the facts, and Animagus transformation and the… _Apparation,_ they were convinced.

Their fleshling was special, and this Magic… seemed to be an interesting field to know more about.

Only as long as their serwos wouldn't be burnt by something…

But the potential was there.

It still didn't wash away the fact, it still didn't get along wit the good old logic.

And yeah, their fleshling was _soo_ much better than Autoslags' Witwacky!

In their faceplates.

* * *

**_16) Date_ **

Harry smiled.

This date was one of the best he had been on. In fact, any of dates he had gone on with his three… boyfriends? Were his favourites.

Well, not many human males could trump the trip into space with F-22, couldn't they?

He sighed, as he gently caressed the interior of his fighter jet, smiling as the seat shuddered slightly in the answer of his gentle touch.

"The stars are beautiful," He murmured to Starscream gently.

"Yeah, I know," Starscream replied, his voice quiet."They are also a reason for our sky hunger…"

He paused. "But with you, I don't feel the sky hunger. With you, my spark is full."

Harry blushed. "You are my wings too, you know." He retorted, embarrassed.

Starscream paused. _'Does Harry knows just what his words mean?'_ He asked himself.

_'No, he couldn't… he isn't a flier... well, not in convectional sense, anyway…'_

To tell a Seeker, that he or she was your wings, was the ultimate love confession. Seekers, above all, loved the sky and its' freedom… and without their wings, they were nothing.

So he swallowed the warmth in his spark, committing it to his deepest memory banks.

Silently, he turned around, and speed to back to the Earth, listening to the Harry's slow heartbeat.

 _'You are my wings too, Harry Potter.'_ He thought to himself, red eyes brightening slightly with warmth.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or Harry Potter. No way, no how. But I do own this little story.  
> Summary: What can I say? Watching Tron has that kinda reaction on me, and well…/shrugs/ About time to write something about our lovable Decepticons and their prey – ahem, owner.  
> Edit: This is the second version - the first one was unbeta-ed, so this one was thrown into the ringer and made to fend for itself. So enjoy!  
> Warnings: Hinted slash, strange situations, and our favourite mechs abound. Anyway, the pairings are: Harry/Megatron, Harry/Barricade, Harry/Starscream.  
> ________________________________________

 

* * *

**_1) Valentine_ **

What was with the squishies and red hearts everywhere? Besides, the hearts were not even anatomically correct, but just some blend of two half-circled and an upside down triangle. How in the Pit could the fragging things even depict hearts?

Barricade scratched the back of his head, confused. However, that didn't help him solve his problem – finding the perfect gift for Harry.

And really, he refused to be so mundane as to gift him with a mere chocolate heart in some red colored tin foil!

 _'Maybe a live one would do the job just as well…_ ' He mused, and went his way. Suffice to say, Harry was Not Amused – yes, with capital letters – when he found out that Barricade decided to steal all the transplant-ready hearts from the carrier unit.

* * *

**_2 )Jealousy_ **

Ginny swallowed as she looked at Harry. He should have watched her, and only her, but - she gulped again as the imposing trio joined her target. One was in his elder years, but except for the hair, nothing indicated he was past his prime yet. The other one was tall – not as tall as the first one, but tall nonetheless, with spiky black hair and sleek darkened glasses and a daredevil smirk, while the third had reddish brown hair and an elegant face with slender build in comparison with the silver and black – haired ones. All three of them were the centre of attention of the annual Charity Ball at the Ministry of Magic, but what rankled her the most, was that they effortlessly took Her Harry's attention from her.

* * *

**_3) Overhaul_ **

Fifteen minutes later, with Harry glaring at the terrified commentator who was still trying to attempt to joke about losing Harry's car. Harry wasn't happy by any stretch of the imagination. That car was something special – after all, it was his first car, and he had bought it with his hard earned money – not Galleons, but true blue British Pounds as it were.

"Um. Listen, man." The camera man tried to solve the situation. "We're really sorry, and if you want, we will reimburse you for the damage and that vanishing car wreck of yours." He was an older man, and he had seen many things in his life, but he really didn't want to finish his career with a dark splotch because of some incompetent brat's too long tongue.

Green eyes narrowed, Harry turned his head to the camera man, opening his mouth, but before he managed to speak up, there was the purr of a car engine.

The entire filming crew froze as the car drove back slowly, if not a little bit snootily. Black and white were flawlessly painted on, with a hint of a violet and ice blue sheen when the light hit the paint job at a particular angle – dark violet for black, and ice blue on white, the stripes were painted meticulously on the sides, the curves just a little bit sleeker and more streamlined than the usual models of Saleen Mustangs, giving it a bit of a feral look. The glass windows were tinted, and its optics were shaded in silver.

"Holy shit." One of the crew breathed out, his eyes bulging. "Guys, that's a sweet ride if I ever saw one."

The wheels glinted softly with the cold sheen of chrome, and the engine purred mischievously as Harry swallowed convulsively.

The interior was simple – black leather and that was it.

"Wow. You are beautiful." Harry addressed the car, tentatively touching its hood, and he could've sworn the thing shuddered under his palm and leaned into him slightly.

Barricade smugly watched the crew members flapping their jaws. It was so worth ditching the idiots to get the new alt form and paint job. Not to sound like Sideswipe(more like Tracks, Sides doesn't care) or Sunstreaker, but he did cut a handsome mech, if he said so.

And this squishy's smile – HIS squishy's smile – made it all worth it.

It had been the shortest overhauling in the history of the 'Pimp My Ride' emission –and ironically, the repair crew didn't do any work on it.

However, Barricade had to suffer watching his squishy being adored by various women who wanted a ride.

Oh the price of narcissism.

* * *

**_4) Magic_ **

Megatron was always interested in that magic thing – he was just curious that way. He wasn't on the level of some of the scientists, but even he was intrigued when he witnessed Harry breaking some fundamental physical and other laws, which should have been impossible in the first place.

He was most interested in the Animagus forms – it was somewhat similar to him changing alt forms, and it did help that Harry was a triple charger himself – his first form was a Russian cat with green and gold eyes, and small white scar on his head, and the other was a small Wyvern with metallic grey skin and dark green eyes and a black mane.

Likewise, Harry was fascinated with his tank and jet modes – even if he was baffled about just how Megatron managed to get through the swamps other tanks would havedrowned in.

* * *

**_5) Quidditch_ **

Both Megatron and Starscream were interested in that Quid sport Harry had told them about. It wasn't every day that humans were playing on brooms of all things in the air, with different balls at that.

So Harry took them to one of the matches.

"Dowding missed the Quaffle by a mile. What the Pit is he even doing on the field?" Megatron growled, his cannons itching to get some target practice on the unfortunate squishy humans. Harry tried not to listen to him but… well, Megatron did have a point here.

"Not everyone can be natural fliers like you two." He growled back, absentmindedly watching the snitch which was behind the ear of Melissa Puckleberry, the Arrowheads' Keeper.

"What a half-afted piece of flying. Even a half off lined Auto scum could out fly them, with their servos tied back and optics off lined." Starscream grumbled, crossing his arms on his chest, before yelling. " _OI!_ What the Pit are you gawking at over there? The Snitch thingy is with the Harpies' Keeper!" His shrill scream was heard over the stadium easily, and the screams were abruptly silenced as the wizards looked to the Keeper in question.

Harry face palmed.

"Never, _ever,_ will I take you two to any Quidditch match again!" He growled out, mortified.

Suffice to say, he had gotten a lifelong ban against participating in any Quidditch matches, be that as spectator or player, and to top the proverbial shit pile, that meant any kind of a Quidditch match – from international to small ones.

Time to teach the two rusted afts what the concept of _discretion_ really meant.

* * *

**_6) Downsized_ **

Harry paced in the anteroom nervously. Just how in the seven hells would his… guests manage to cramp into his tiny rooms? Neither of the bots was particularly small, and he couldn't use magic on them, and his home was at the max of the Expanding charms as it was.

The doorbell rang with a silvery voice.

"I'm coming!" Harry called out, hurrying to the doors.

When he opened them, he was stunned to see three men smirking at him. A tall, silver haired, red eyed man was clothed in a burgundy red pullover and black slacks with black shoes, while the second tallest had messy black hair and a red visor over his black eyes, while he was clothed in a black short sleeved shirt and faded grey jeans with worn-out sneakers. The last one was the smallest of the three, with a slender build and was clad in baggy army trousers with a red shirt and dog tags around his neck on a ball cord and brown leather jacket with brown gloves of the same material.

"I know I am gorgeous, but that's not excuse not to let us in." The last one spoke out with Starscream's voice.

Harry gaped.

"Flies, Potter, flies." The dark, haired one teased him, like Barricade, before he yelped at the silver – haired man head cuffed him. "Ow, Megatron, you slagging aft, will you leave my hair alone already?"

"Didn't know you were Starscream's long-lost twin." The silver-haired male sneered, wine red eyes narrowing in a disdain, while Starscream screeched with rage.

Harry sighed. The sleepover probably wasn't the best idea…

But oh well, what was done, was done.

He just prayed his house would still be intact when the night will be over.

* * *

**_7) Stunt_ **

It was all Starscream's fault.

"I double-dog dare you to let Harry do his stunt, without you manning the controls." Starscream sneered out, his red optics glinting with disdain.

"Frag no." Megatron flatly refused, while Barricade smugly watched them. Somehow, they got into a game of Truth or Dare, and Starscream was still a little touchy that Megatron compared Barricade to him – even if he only implied it. No fragging pit that rust – bucket of a grounder resembled him in any way, shape or form!

"Triple-dog dare." Starscream announced, smirking. "Face it, Megs, you used all of your outs. You hafta to do the dare."

Megatron deflated.

The next day, he nervously – he wouldn't say so, but it was true – left the flight controls in Harry's … capable hands.

"Okay, ready?" Harry's voice didn't sound very reassuring, but Megatron was curious just what kind of stunt was so…out of the realm of sane that it made Starscream use it as a triple- dog dare.

He soon found out.

The nose of the jet was pointed to earth and Megatron felt the chill of foreboding crawl over his spinal sections.

And then, Harry pushed the joystick forward and they shot down, dropping like stones.

The cold air screamed around them, heating at the contact with metal, and with every second gone, Megatron was becoming more confused and uneasy.

The energon in his cables chilled when he found that Harry was pushing him to the edge of his abilities and they still weren't stopping.

His thrusters were working with full power, and the load was now exceeding 11 G forces – the maximum pressure human could stand without falling unconscious.

"Harry?" He asked hesitantly. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, ten more minutes." Was the short reply.

Megatron gulped as he reviewed the calculations.

No good.

The ground was nearing to them with a terrifying speed and all his instincts and programs screamed at Megatron to take over the ride.

"Harry!" he called to the youth in his cockpit urgently. "If you don't straighten us out we will – **_AAAHHHHH!"_**

Megatron screamed out like a little girl.

They had missed the cold, hard concrete by a hair, and that was with 24 G forces pressing down on them, and if Harry had swerved any later, they could have been a big silver and red pile of scrap metal, blood and meat.

Harry grinned.

"Wronski feint, success."

Later on, Megatron read Harry a sermon just how reckless that little 'Wronski feint' of his was, but that didn't stop him from allowing him to repeat it.

Starscream got his blackmail material… but in the process, he made Megatron into an adrenaline junkie.

He pouted. Damn it, now he would have to share his little guilty pleasure with the glitch aft….

No fair.

Barricade just praised Primus he had been sparked a Grounder. Fliers were too troublesome to begin with.

* * *

**_8) Gathering_ **

"What the Pit are _YOU_ doing here?" The question came out of three vocal processors, from three different mechs.

"I thought you were dead." Barricade bit out, red optics darkening threateningly.

"You thought wrong, glitch-head. Megatron snarled back to his third in command. "And I am under no obligation to give you any answers – "

The buzzing of the cannons cut the silence between them.

"Oh, _no?_ " Starscream purred out, like a giant mecha cat, pointing his cannons at both of the two, making the duo glower mulishly at the smirking Seeker.

He would protect his squishy at all costs.

Shame the other two thought that they could take HIS squishy away from him, but oh well.

"Who the Hell are you and what the fuck are you doing here?

The well known voice demanded, prompting to look at the source, only to see one very annoyed Harry James Potter glaring at them sleepily, gun in one, and wand in the other hand.

Operation: ' _Big Surprise'_ – Epic Fail.

* * *

**_9) Lore_ **

Barricade was very interested in the lore of Harry's world, especially in tales from the magical world. He still couldn't believe that an entire civilization of power –enhanced humans was thriving just under noses of the not-powered humans, and he was interested just why it was so.

He found out, through history books and internet, that squishies, despite of their fragility and short lives were a very cruel and resilient race, making his respect of them climb a little higher.

Harry had to literally drag him away from his reading time.

* * *

**_10) Crookshanks_ **

For some reason, Crookshanks absolutely _adored_ the trio of the bots. It even came to as far as to him hiding in their forms to get with them.

The first time that happened Hermione was near hysterics with worry, but then she almost got a heart attack when Officer Cade pulled the orange feline out of his car and passed it to her, with Crookshanks meowing plaintively at him.

She blinked, feeling oddly betrayed. That particular cop delighted in making her life harder, and her cat was practically _in love_ with him!

Life truly wasn't fair.

* * *

**_11) Streamlined_ **

Harry fell in love with his Firebolt broom, but the slender curves of Megatron's fighter form were just…. Incredible. The sleek lines blended into one another, ending into some wickedly sharp tips, a symphony of metallic grey. It reminded Harry of the Hungarian Horntail – all sharp and fast and dangerous – incredibly so, but at the same time, awe-inspiring and …. Perfect.

If there ever was perfection in a form, it was Megatron's flight jet.

* * *

**_12) Transport_ **

The first time Harry had Apparated, and the Decepticons witnessed it, was because Harry forgot he didn't live home alone, and so, he had almost scared the spark out of Barricade who was tuning his flute.

Suffice to say, the flute didn't survive, but with some quick use of _Reparo_ , it was as good as new, but since then, Harry was besieged with questions about this strange kind of warping technique.

* * *

**_13) Technology_ **

For all of their advancements, Earth was still terribly primitive in comparison with the planet of their newest…residents. So it was a terrible dichotomy that Muggles were technologically speaking miles before wizards, but in their own way, Wizards were better, faster and stronger – if only because they didn't rely on technology.

However, it did make their trips in magical world harder that way, because, come on, hulks of strange metal moving without charms or anything else, under their own power and intelligence?

Even Wizards weren't _that_ dense.

* * *

**_14) Game_ **

"One. Two. _Three!"_

Two fists and one with two fingers sticking out.

"Aw, slag." Starscream cursed, much to the amusement of Barricade and Megatron.

"Tough luck, ' Creamer." Barricade mock-cooed, smirking, delighting in Starscream's growl of frustration.

"Now it's just you and me." Red eyes clashed as the two of them prepared to –

"Three. Two. One."

This time, it was Barricade who made a sour face, while Megatron grinned, showing his pointy teeth.

"Up your tailpipe, aft-head." Megatron gloated, making Barricade snarl with helpless fury.

For some reason, Megatron was absolutely invincible at Rock, Paper, Scissors.

* * *

**_15) Divination_ **

When Starscream first found out that stars could be used as a divination device, he blinked with confusion. Stars were only big flaming balls of gas or freezing balls of ice or other liquids or something… other. Why or how the stars could divine the man's way of life, he couldn't comprehend.

Not that it stopped him from checking his daily horoscopes at least twice a day.

* * *

**_16) Registration_ **

Goblins were used to the many different… _eccentric_ requests of their clients, but this one took the cake.

"Mr. Potter, do you really want to register this… Muggle relic as your personal vehicle?" Griphook deadpanned, as he pointed at the spiky thing that likened to the Muggle tank – only it was of the wrong color, wrong shape and it oddly twitched when it was referred as 'Muggle relic'.

Harry hurriedly put one hand on the tank's flank. "Yes, I do. Is that a problem?"

Griphook snorted. "It is because this… whatever it is, is resistant to the attention diversion charms, even the strongest ones. The… plane and car were easy to do with, but your latest…pet seems to want to be recognizable in the eyes of Muggles and Wizards in any way, shape or form.

This was too much even for the quiet little 'pet relic'.

The gears _clanked,_ whirred and _clonged,_ and in front of the Goblin's disbelieving eyes, there stood a metal behemoth.

"I am not a ' _Muggle relic',_ you excuse for a squishy, and if you think I will be hiding from them, you are sorely mistaken!" Megatron boomed out, his red optics glowing with fury as his pointed teeth were bared in a snarl more terrifying than any Griphook had ever seen.

Later in history, Griphook would be referred as a first Goblin that fainted in the presence of a Wizard.

Harry glared at his companion.

"Megatron… "He growled out, making the mech cringe slightly.

"Do you even know what the concept of _'being inconspicuous'_ actually _means_ , or do I have to hit you with a dictionary?" Harry's words were quiet and spoken in a mild tone, but Megatron shuddered and quickly folded back into his tank form.

"I'll be good." He quickly promised.

' _So much about spreading terror among the masses,'_ He thought to himself sulkily.

However, he was appeased with statue that depicted him, erected by the Goblins in his honor.

Also, he had become honorary Goblin himself and the new generation of young little goblins would try to emulate and surpass his terrifying snarl.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Transformers – their respective owners do. I just own this little story, as wacky as it is.  
> Shout Out: Gents and Ladies, guys and gals, this is the next installment of our favourite Decepticons with their squishy. Hope you like it and no offense to Michael Jackson admirers. I love MJ's songs, but from Cybertronian perspective, he's just a squishy…/clicks mouth shut/ Oops. Already said too much. Okay, onward on reading!  
> Warnings: Hinted slash, strange situations, and our favourite mechs abound. Anyway, the pairings are: Harry/Megatron, Harry/Barricade, Harry/Starscream. Some Ginny and Hermione baiting here too and some smaller surprises. Nothing too harmful to your brain /evil grin/

 

* * *

**_1) Warmth_ **

If he hadn't known better, Harry would have supposed that his three houseguests were cold and unfeeling, only metal circuits and hollow voices. Yet they were warm like the sunlight on a sunny day in a spring, the energy thrumming through them in a low, almost inaudible purr. Sighing, he curled up on the driver's seat in Barricade's alt form a little bit more, becoming drowsier by the moment with this feeling of security, warmth and quiet affection.

* * *

**_2) Expansion_ **

He was lucky to be a wizard, Harry supposed. Housing a car wasn't a problem. Housing a jet – a bit harder, but doable. Housing three homicidal extraterrestrial life forms and sending them to their time out corners – priceless.

* * *

**_3) Dolannes_ **

He listened to the flute silently, his entire being still, dark eyes wide and audios opened to the max. The melody was gentle and flowing, unlike and yet strangely similar to a Cybertronian lullaby. "What is that?" he asked, his voice hushed as the musician stopped playing. Harry smiled gently at the enchanted mech. "Dolannes."

* * *

**_4) Moonwalk_ **

Starscream had a secret. The secret even he didn't know he had. However, when the music boomed around and he danced, he was happy. His happiness lasted until the song ended and they ambushed him. "Dude, where did you learn to moonwalk?" one of the dancers asked breathlessly. Starscream blinked owlishly. "Moonwalk? What moonwalk?" He asked, clueless. "You copied Jackson perfectly!" another dancer, this time a girl, gushed, jumping in place like some kind of crazed groupie. Starscream sniffed, insulted. "I'll have you know this is one of my original dance moves." He haughtily told his adoring public.

"Yeah _right._ You're total copycat." An emo kid flatly told him, lazily playing with his lip ring. And be that as it may, nobody could convince Starscream that his _sliding_ was invented by some plastic looking squishy with a high voice.

He had seniority rights, damn it!

* * *

**_5) Attempt_ **

"Harry, could you come here for a minute?" Ginny called out, gaining the green-eyed man's attention for a moment.

"Not now, Gin. I'm in the middle of a debate." Harry absentmindedly told her while he was trying to think up a counter–argument to Starscream's little thesis on some flying acrobatic moves.

The redhead's eyebrow twitched. "Harry…" Her voice came out suspiciously near whining, Starscream noted, smirking to himself. "So… No arguments?" he teasingly asked the green-eyes squishy, earning himself a growl and the immediate and compete attention of his object of affection.

Ginevra Molly Weasley, eat your little heart out.

* * *

**_6) Alien_ **

More often than not **,** the three of them felt completely alien in this squishy filled world. However, when in Harry's company, they felt completely normal.

* * *

**_7) Rain_ **

Megatron's optics shuttered closed as he stood in the rain. The sound of droplets hitting his chassis, making tiny vibrations along the way – lighter and more ethereal feeling than the rain on Cybertron– relaxed him, his joints unlocking themselves from their usually tightly coiled positions as he stood and enjoyed the impromptu shower. The only thing better would be having his squishy along, but all in good time…

* * *

**_8) Languages_ **

For one race, the squishies had a surprising number of languages. English was normal. Spanish, French, Japanese, Norwegian, Chinese…Megatron's processor was beginning to glitch from the sheer number of them, not counting the dialects and secret languages.

"You squishies are gluttons for punishment," he sighed at Harry, who only laughed in amusement. "Comes with the short life span of our species," he pointed out, smiling indulgently. However, Megatron was once again unpleasantly surprised by the fact that Harry wouldn't live as long as them.

* * *

**_9) Incident_ **

The Autobots intended to have a relatively calm life on the Earth, peacefully co-existing with the squishies. However, one… incident… had thrown all of their carefully laid plans out the window.

"Um, sir?" One of the personnel nervously called to Optimus Prime. "Yes, Anderson?" Optimus answered kindly, in an attempt to calm the nervous squi – er, human.

"Um, I believe we found a Cybertronian. Someone aired on the web the snapshot of the acrobatics of the…um, 'bot."

Optimus stilled. All of the fliers, as far as he knew, were in the Decepticon faction so…

"Show it to us." Major Lennox was less polite, making the squint squeak and hurry.

Within a few seconds of typing and mumbling, there was a video shot of a sleek F-22 going through the acrobatics the human pilot couldn't muster up the courage to do.

And for a brief moment, Optimus saw a glint of a violet blur on his left wing.

"Where did you get the footage from?" Optimus' voice was steel and command, all rolled into one.

"Port Sunnydale, Sir!" The man told him, his voice on the verge of squeaking.

Lennox stared at the plane, transfixed. "Optimus, who the hell is that?"

Optimus' audios whirred and clicked, before he responded.

"Starscream, Megatron's Second-In-Command."

However, when they called Port Sunnydale, nobody had knowledge of where the Hellspawn vanished to.

/*/

"Ah – _Choo!"_

Said Hellspawn sneezed. He looked around, confused, and then shrugged, going back to trying to convince Hedwig to stop lording– or was it ladying? – over him with a third plate of bacon that night.

Never mind that both Megatron and Barricade had already bribed her with five plates of the said bacon.

Each.

* * *

**_10) Arithmancy_ **

Hermione always thought of herself as one of the best and brightest when it came to Arithmancy.

But…

"You got it wrong."

The reddish – haired, violet eyed youth pointed out flippantly as he elegantly threw himself onto the couch. Hermione gritted her teeth.

The youth had been a pain in her neck for seemingly forever. First that Barry Cade officer, and now this Starscream brat! His parents named him right, she supposed – he frustrated her to the point she wanted to scream… to the stars. And not in pleasure, either.

"Oh? Well, if you are so very clever, then you solve the damned thing!" She spat out, throwing her notebook at him, which he caught with practiced ease.

That damned punk…

Fuming, she rose from her favorite seat and stalked into the kitchen to get away from the snooty teen that undermined her knowledge.

 _Her,_ Hermione Jean Granger!

Fifteen minutes later, she was calmer, filled with caffeine and ready to ream the punk a new one if he ruined her painstaking work.

Instead, when she came in the living room, she found him humming, twirling the pen and … Her eyes bugged out as she found Big Red Crosses all over her work.

"Wha– You - What the hell!" She sputtered, beyond mad, her blood pressure heightening to a dangerous level.

The punk only eyed her. "Your entire hypothesis was wrong." He calmly told her, and what followed had Hermione's head spinning.

Not only had Starscream explained to her as if she were a dunderheaded imbecile just why and how was her theory wrong, but he presented her with the solution to the problem, all accompanied with an integration of Arithmancy and some of the most advanced mathematic theses known to the world as if it were a bedtime story!

Starscream smirked victoriously at the stupefied female squishy. Seekers may have been a very… sensual race, but that didn't mean he wasn't well-versed in scientific matters.

"Excuse me, gotta faint." The woman calmly told him, before she keeled into unconsciousness.

Starscream caught her and placed her on the sofa.

He snickered. Who would have thought that needling her would be so much fun?

* * *

**_11) Haunted_ **

There were days when Harry didn't sleep well, they noticed early.

One of those days, Barricade reminisced, was Halloween.

When he was still a scrap of metal, Harry took him out of the garage that time – it was night and the moon was shining with a pale light on the ground, and they drove around.

There was no reason or rhythm in the choice of their road – they were just driving – driving on the highway, through small, quaint towns and villages, everywhere and nowhere – sometimes Barricade felt as if he was not driving on the road but something more immaterial, and there was strange wisp here and there, silvery or black and skeletal, he saw them for a moment and they vanished, as if they were only a mirage of his overworked processors.

Finally, they stopped at the small cottage – half in ruins and looking as if it could collapse any given moment, and then Harry stepped outside, making Barricade shiver with unease.

Harry left him back there, and the squishy went to the house, entering it almost soundlessly, as if he were a ghost.

Two hours later, he returned, saying nothing, but Barricade was relieved that his human was back in one piece and seemingly unharmed.

Harry didn't say anything as he leaned against his hood, head tipped up to the bulbous moon hanging on the sky.

They returned when it was seven in the morning, with Harry snoozing lightly in the backseat and Barricade driving carefully so as to not wake up his precious cargo.

The haunted look in Harry's eyes vanished a week later, but, much to Barricade's dismay, it returned every Halloween.

* * *

**_12) Scars_ **

They didn't have scars. Sure, they had been in more battles than they could count, but they didn't have scars. They could be repaired seamlessly, as if there was nothing more than a scratch.

So when they first saw their squishy, they were understandably appalled at the sight.

Thin, thick, white, ragged lines or patches - Harry's body was map that was a silent witness of his trials and tribulations.

And they swore, come Primus or Unicron, they would keep him from being hurt to the best of their abilities.

* * *

**_13) Transformation_ **

" _Holy shit."_ Harry breathed out, as the…being he had inadvertently saved from the Hoover Dam's secret stash of big boy toys – totally not his moniker for the secret laboratory, but whatever - transformed in something…awesome.

Yes, right… And spiky.

"Well, squishy?" Megatron's voice echoed smugly in his ears, making him scowl and slap the side of the jet, making Megatron emit a strange yelping sound.

"Shut it, buster." Harry commanded, and surprisingly, Megatron obeyed…for once.

* * *

**_14) Mars_ **

' _Hermione would've given her left arm and leg just to be here,'_ Harry thought, dazed.

The Earth was beautiful, but this – this was just incredible.

Red planes of ground and mountains on the horizon reminded Harry of Ayers' Rock and yet, it was so different and alien, he might as well be on Mars.

The irony was, he was exactly there to begin with.

Megatron smirked smugly.

"So…far enough to be a secret base?" he teasingly asked his squishy.

Harry nodded absentmindedly.

"Hell yeah."

* * *

**_15 ) Vindictive_ **

If associated with any word, the Decepticons could be best described as vindictive.

"What was that, little squishy?" Barricade purred at the redheaded female squishy as he was leaning on his form.

"S –Stay away from Harry! He's mine!" The redheaded squish – excuse me, Ginny, growled out, her cheeks flushed with anger.

"Why should I?" Starscream muttered lazily as he tilted his head slightly, his unusually colored eyes mocking. "Just who do you think you are, to try to forbid us from seeing him?"

"I –I'm his girlfriend!" The squishy female blustered, her hormones a mix of embarrassment, rage and helplessness.

"You lie." Megatron's stern voice made the girl jump up with fright. "If you were his girlfriend as you say, Harry would have told us. We live together, after all."

Ginny made a strangled sound in her throat, then whirled and stomped back to the house.

Megatron quirked a silver eyebrow at his two smirking underlings.

"So…Ready for phase two?"

Starscream smirked maliciously.

"Yeah. "

Phase two – _'Embarrassing the competition'_ has begun.

Personally, it was the Seeker's favorite phase - well, except for mating, but this squishy proved to be a lot of fun to get rid of… and both Barricade and Starscream were plenty creative when it came to humiliating someone.

"Which should we do first? Rip her dress or... tell her dirty little secret number five?" Megatron muttered delicately as he ran a hand through his silver hair.

Barricade gulped.

"Avoid the glittering chick." he muttered almost inaudibly to his two compatriots, making their eyes widen imperceptibly.

And lo and behold, there came Fleur, smiling like a shark in a pond of three fat, yummy fish.

" _Bonjour_ , 'andsomes," She purred out, flicking her hair back flirtatiously.

Starscream uttered a small Cybertronian curse, making both Megatron and Barricade blanch at the sheer crassness of the words used to describe her.

"Are you all right?" Fleur asked, concerned.

Barricade sighed.

"We are not used to such… events." He lied, putting up a fake smile. "By the way, congratulations on your wedding."

Fleur twitched.

Megatron eyed his third in command with respect. "Crass but effective," he muttered to Starscream in Cybertronian, making him smirk.

Well, nobody said that they had to play by the rules… did they?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Transformers – their respective owners do. I just own this little story, as wacky as it is. I also don't own the excerpt of the song – it's Wake me Up Before You Go-Go, by Wham!. It's one of my favourites, and if you want to listen to it, go to the Youtube.
> 
> Shout Out: Uh-huh. You guys and gals are definitely great inspiration to me, and so this plotdragon had jumped out of my brains to the computer to write itself out. The story is going on, and I am asking you to send the prompts for the next chapter. The only limit I have is they have to be one word and my plotdragons reserve the right on which ones to take up. As for right now, I will get to writing Among The Hawks And Doves and finishing up some of my other crossovers for the Scrapbook Jewels, so this story may not be updated as soon as it had been until now. All my appreciation to my faithful beta, Moon Howling Banshee. She is a record setter in checking over my works, so thank you, girl. You rock.  
> Thank you, the readers, for your encouragement and I hope you enjoy the next installment.

 

* * *

**1) Sauna**

They shuffled uncomfortably as they looked around. Megatron once again checked if his towel was firmly wrapped around his hips, with no chance of sliding down. Barricade shuffled in place, the corner of his left eye twitching.

"Are you sure this is the correct dressing code?" Starscream prompted their green-eyes guide once again. Harry put his shoes into the locker and closed it before he grabbed the bag and straightened out, green eyes confused.

"Yes, I'm sure. I've been there many times already." He began to lead them to the sauna part of the complex.

"But…"Megatron swallowed. "No chassis?" The mighty Leader of the Decepticons felt an urge to twiddle his thumbs like an embarrassed teenage girl.

At first, it was all good and dandy, but then Barricade 'accidentally' looked into one of the sauna rooms and his eyes bugged out.

"They're naked!" he fairly squeaked out, hiding himself behind Harry as if that would help him any.

Harry sighed. "Yes, they're naked." He agreed, swallowing down a long-suffering sigh.

Out of morbid curiosity, both Starscream and Megatron dared to glance in the same room, and their CPU's almost crashed.

"But…they're _naked_." Barricade repeated, his dark eyes wide and for all of his age, he looked like a boy who was caught with his hand in a jar of sweets.

"Of course they're naked." Harry deadpanned. "Clothes serve the purpose of keeping our body temperature stable, but the sauna rooms' temperature is more than high enough for us to not need any clothes."

Starscream emitted a broken choke/gurgle as he saw one woman exit the sauna room and head to the showers, naked as a jaybird. Seekers were fairly sensuous and had pride in their bodies, but this woman was not young anymore and she still waddled around confidently, as if she were a supermodel!

"Oh, _Unicron_ …" He whined helplessly. His optics burned! Burned, I tell you! "Tell me there is a law forbidding squishy…squishies' entrance to the Sauna. My circuits are already fried as it is."

Harry looked at the lady who was now adjusting the temperature of the shower and shrugged. "Sorry, Star. It's free for all, besides you did insist on coming with me on this one." He replied mildly, inwardly feeling sorry for the traumatized Seeker.

Meanwhile, Megatron was doing something he never thought he would've done in this cycle, or ever.

He was praying for Primus to absolve him of whatever sins he had committed in this life, because, surely, this was too cruel of a punishment for him to bear.

Harry jolted him out of his musings with a pat on his shoulder. "C'mon, let's get find us some recliners, and then we will go to the Sauna room."

Megatron whimpered.

* * *

**2) Enough**

It was enough. The red haired female squishy was a nuisance before, but right now, with her blatantly offering herself for mating to _THEIR_ squishy –

They twitched. In unison, no less.

Starscream snarled out a sound that would – to any sane 'bot –be a signal to back off or suffer the consequences, Megatron ground his teeth and Barricade had to restrain himself to not to get out tonfas and well…bite the annoying herbivore to death.

Reading _Katekyo Hitman Reborn_ had that kind of an effect on him.

* * *

**3) Magic**

"You feel different." Megatron cocked his head, dark red optics narrowed and dimmed in thought.

Harry shrugged. "Yeah, well. Perks of being a wizard."

Inwardly, he wondered if the Statute covered sentient robots as humans and thus enacting the Statute of Secrecy.

At least the one he had here was thinking and being… a _being_. And with the axiom of _'I think, therefore I am…'_

Harry scratched his scalp, annoyed.

Descartes, you son of a bitch.

* * *

**4) Jitterbug**

"I - I have Jitterbugs!" Starscream barged into Harry's room, red eyes wide with panic.

Harry looked up at him from the pile of clothes in front of him.

"What the hell?" he managed to get out. Jitterbugs, of all things? Was Starscream actually serious?

Starscream nodded, before he flopped on the pile of clothes.

"Oi! You just sat on my clubbing clothes, you berk!" Harry growled at him, incensed. Starscream sniffled. "These?" He waved Harry's outrage away. "Never mind them. I have Jitterbugs!"

Harry blinked. "Did you talk to Luna again?" He asked flatly. It wasn't an unreasonable assumption, because somehow, both Starscream and Luna became good friends, with Starscream being fascinated with the strange creatures the Lovegood, now Scamander, Luna had told him about.

"No!" Starscream's eyed him, wounded. " I just have…."

"Jitterbugs, I know." Harry finished for him, sighing with exasperation. "Is your system glitching again?" he asked, just to be on safe side.

Starscream groaned, flopping on the top of Harry's would-be clothes for partying, making the wizard growl with irritation.

" _Wake me up, before you go-go,_

_Don't leave me hanging like a yo-yo_

_Wake me up, before you go-go_

_I don't wanna miss you hit that high…"_

Harry stilled as he heard the song, before the corners of his mouth twitched into an amused smile at Starscream's mortified face as his feet began to twitch in the rhythm with the catchy tune. "Oh. _That_ kind of jitterbugs." He muttered.

Barricade smirked. He just knew that Starscream's obsession with that particular song would come in handy someday.

Embarrassment, however, was just a bonus.

* * *

**5) Hurricane**

"I'm home." Harry called out tiredly, before he entered the house.

And stopped. His usually immaculate house looked as though someone had let a hurricane through it.

He had just tidied it up two days ago, and now _this!_

Harry twitched.

"Starscream, Megatron! Get your hurricane-farting afts up here right _NOW_!"

The two guilty 'cons flinched at the enraged roar of their squishy.

"You think he's mad?" Starscream meekly asked Megatron, poking his pointer fingers together.

Megatron gulped, burgundy colored eyes wide. "I don't _think,_ I _know."_

In unison, they gulped before hesitantly getting out of their hidey hole to meet their doom.

* * *

**6) Blanket**

Harry loved his blankets because they were soft, warm and cuddly. Lately, however, his favorite blanket – one in mint green with little Snidgets printed on it – vanished to God knew where, and he was forced to substitute with at least one of the 'cons.

They weren't adverse to that, of course, he just had to schedule when and who would he cuddle with.

The blanket came back three months later, but by then, Harry was already used to his substitutes and thus, the blanket was rarely used, except when he was watching TV.

When he wasn't, Barricade kept in on his driver's seat. Megatron got the violet and silver one, and Starscream was saddled with the yellow and red one, much to his disgruntlement.

However, the only other choice was the pink one, and nobody wanted to be saddled with _that._

* * *

**7) Cleaning**

Starscream actually purred with bliss as his little squishy cleaned him – firm, but gentle strokes swept over his chassis smoothly, and the lather was rich, running down his form in white rivulets of bubbles, tickling a little. His vents hitched a little when the squishy crawled onto his chest, and his Spark warmed with the proximity of this fragile being that had somehow managed to become his entire universe.

Harry was as wet as a drowned rat, his black hair glinting darkly with the excessive water, and really, the entire affair was just so unreal. He could've used the _Scourgify_ charm to clean the Seeker, but somehow, it felt wrong to do so. Besides, it was a rare chance to get Starscream into his biped mode – not that it was anything wrong with either of his forms – be his alt mode or his holoform one, but this was Starscream as himself. He should've been scared, what with him being a metal behemoth that could easily crush him with no more effort Harry himself could crush a bug, yet he only purred under him with contentment, the only sound on the otherwise abandoned front yard.

"You alright, Star?" he asked the Seeker, who twitched a little, optics brightening momentarily.

"Of course." Starscream rumbled out lazily.

And so the afternoon was slipping away in the haze of the summer sun, water, purring and silent companionship.

This…was happiness.

* * *

**8) Hunt**

She licked her lips, like a cat lusting for some very fat, juicy mice. Only, in her case, she didn't hunt after mice, oh no, but after three hunky, gorgeous and did she mention hunky? – males.

Megatron. The man was older, and had silver hair with those unique crimson eyes, but wow, was he built… And with him being in uniform –she suspected he belonged to one of the foreign armies, although nobody knew which one – he exuded an air of command and self-assurance that made her hot and wishing she could get him to 'punish' her with his whip.

Barricade. While Megatron was silver and light, Barricade was black and dark –black, messy hair, lightly tanned skin from being under the sun and some two inches smaller than his commanding officer and his body, as far as she could conclude, was flawless. Those uniforms were Merlin's gift to women, she just knew it – and from the lustful glances of the other women, they thought the same.

Starscream was slender – not bulked up as the two men, but he still exuded a presence – playful and polite, but still somewhat razor-edge, making Fleur's blood heat when she imagined just what this… razor edged difference could be that marked him as so very different from his compatriots. His wild hair was dark auburn and his eyes had an exotic tilt while his face was slender and his chin a little pointed. He reminded her of a vulture – a dangerous, exotic vulture that was at home in the air, just like her foremothers were. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought him a male Veela, but there were no such things, even if he did pull the eyes of all eligible and ineligible females of a breeding age to himself.

She looked at Bill. Truly, Bill was one of the rare males that were able to block the Veela allure, and he was good bloke and all, but he just couldn't compare to the three hunks who were talking about something in a strange language.

If only she had waited a little longer to tie the knot with Bill… she sighed.

Well, no one said she couldn't afford some dessert at the side, did they?

She licked her lips again as she headed to the small group, ready for the next confrontation and totally disregarding the drooling mess of the males she was leaving in her wake.

The three 'cons felt a shiver of foreboding skitter up their spines.

They looked at each other.

"Drool Bitch alert?" Starscream asked dryly.

Megatron nodded, sighing. "You got it. What wouldn't I give to foist her onto Prime…" he grumbled.

Barricade choked down a laugh.

Drool Bitch hunting down Optimus Prime…

"Who says we can't do it?" he asked mildly, making both Megatron and Starscream perk up in interest.

* * *

**9) Accidental**

Their meeting, aswith many other things, was quite accidental.

" _YOU!"_

" _YOU!"_

Both men – er, young men looked at each other.

"Your car speaks?" They asked each other in unison, brown and green eyes lit with confusion and suspicion.

And then the yellow Camaro -

Brown eyes widened, and the teen shouted – "Bee, _NO!"_

-Transformed into the 'bot.

Harry face palmed, groaning.

It would have been better if the trouble trailing behind him was just a puppy. Instead, he was stuck with trouble in the shape of an alien robot–

He heard the well-known buzzing of Megatron's motors in the air, and he groaned.

Correction _, two_ alien robots.

Absentmindedly, he cuffed the hyperventilating Sam on the head.

"Pipe down, will ya?"

He asked the teen with a long-suffering voice, making Sam gape at him.

No, his life would never be normal. In fact, his life somehow decided to be as _ab_ normal as possible.

"Suck it up, grin and don't think about it." He advised his… fellow protégé mildly, before turning back to the Barricade-Bumblebee scene and whistling an ear-piercing tone.

* * *

**10) Specimens**

Hermione stared at the trio like they were live specimens of bacteria in a petri dish. Something was… wrong with them. Very wrong.

They were living with Harry, as far as she knew – she had the dubious honor of happening upon a half – naked Megatron puttering away in the kitchen for breakfast when she Flooed because she had forgotten her reports the last night she had been here.

And oh, my… was that a sight.

Hermione blushed at the memory. No wonder Fleur was chasing after him with such determination, even if she was already married.

The man was perfect. A tall, perfect body - his face a little aged, his crimson eyes cruel and his lips thinned cruelly, but his face was regal and intelligent-looking. And he was intelligent too, even if he did have a temper when it came to his two subordinates. But he knew so much… Hermione swallowed. It was like he was a live encyclopedia - once, she had asked him some of her most difficult questions, yet he answered them with surprising ease.

That brat, Starscream, was the same. A genius in his own right when it came to Arithmancy or Mathematics in particular, and Barry Cade, the berk, was a musician in his own right.

Yet nobody knew about them. Geniuses weren't able of staying undercover or normal for any length of time – their abilities shone through sooner rather than later.

But nobody knew about them.

"Alright, 'fess up." She demanded. "Just what are you guys and what are you doing here?"

The three mechs looked at each other.

Well…busted.

* * *

**11) Awkward**

"What is the function of a screw driver?" Barricade replied, incredulous. "Are you kidding me?"

Mr. Weasley scratched the back of his neck. "Uh, no?" He asked, blue eyes honestly curious. "Muggles have them, and–"

Barricade wanted to groan. A screw driver, really? "It is a tool to turn the screws." He explained shortly.

Mr. Weasley nodded. "Oh! The Muggles are simply amazing!" he gushed.

Barricade pinched his nose.

_'Where is Ratchet when you need him?'_

_/*/_

"Ah- _Choo_!" Ratchet sneezed, startling the twins and making the pranking tools clatter on the floor.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker gulped as the old mech turned in their direction.

"Oh, slag." Sideswipe whimpered.

Sunstreaker yelped as he was hit on the head with the wrench.

"' _Oh slag'_ is right." Ratchet agreed calmly, before grabbing both of them and manhandling them into the healing bay for long overdue medical check.

* * *

**12) Diet**

Harry eyes his beloved owl with disbelief. Usually slender, Hedwig now resembled a flying turkey with an owl's head more than an actual owl.

Hedwig shuffled uncomfortably under the green gaze of her master, before hooting imperiously.

"That's it." Harry decided, still staring at her. "From now on, you are on a diet. No more bacon for you, do you hear me?"

Hedwig clicked angrily, but after a small stare down, she hooted a defeat.

Harry turned to his three 'cons. "And you guys! Don't let her bully you into giving her even a scrap of bacon from now on." He ordered, making Megatron sigh with relief, while Barricade slumped into couch and Starscream gulped.

"But what should we do with all the bacon we bought then?" Starscream asked, making Harry's eyes widen.

"Just how much bacon did you guys buy, anyway?"

There was a honk outside, and Starscream flinched at the sound.

Woodenly, Harry turned around and looked through the window, his eyes bugging out with sheer disbelief at the scene.

"A whole truck?" Barricade asked meekly.

* * *

**13) Scam**

"And just who do you take me for?" Megatron silkily asked the cowering wizard in front of him. The Goblins behind him grinned with delight.

It was a thing of beauty to see Megatron terrify the would-be scammer into overwhelming fear.

Silver eyebrows scrunched and dark red eyes narrowed. "You will return all the investments you gained from your … _business_ with the House of Potter, with sixty percent added on."

The man whimpered. "But Sir! I don't have that much money, I have to take care of my kids–" He tried to plead, his chin wobbling with distress.

Megatron slowly stood up. And then –

_SLAM!_

The table held for a moment, and then cracked in half.

The scammer paled.

"You don't have kids. You have a quite fat account for your so-called 'rainy days', Mister Milson. Well, the 'rainy days' are here, so fork it over." He said silkily. "Unless you want to return with an eighty percent return of investment rate?"

The businessman shook his head, trembling.

Needless to say, the Goblins _loved_ Megatron.

* * *

**14) Mate**

"Oi, mate, long time no see." Ron cheerfully greeted his famous friend, oblivious to the murderous stares of thee cons that had already planned how to torture, kill and bury him.

Harry was _theirs,_ damn it!

And no slagging redhead would take him from them!

Ron shuddered as he got a bad premonition of his future.

He usually didn't believe a shred of Trelawney's teachings, but in this case….

Violence was in the air.

* * *

**15) Circus**

Before he allowed them to accompany him, Harry got them to agree to a whole new slew of rules.

No killing the squishies.

No threatening anyone with torture or death.

No pointing out obvious things.

No lording over everyone just how inferior they are in comparison to the Decepticons.

No taking pets home.

No getting food for free.

No selling off Pigwidgeon. Even if it would keep them from killing the little feathery annoyance of an owl.

No complaining about the music.

Stick close to Harry at any times.

No sweets. Absolutely none. Zip. Zero. Null.

After they came out of the circus, Harry didn't know whether to laugh, cry or just plain murder them.

They refrained from killing the squishies, but Barricade somehow managed to threaten the clowns into soiling themselves. Even if he did so to get out of their jokes, but still!

 _No pointing obvious things._ Starscream just had to nitpick the acrobats and their techniques, didn't he? It didn't help that he was somehow mistaken for a famous critic, either.

The lording over part went equally badly. But in Megatron's defense, he did try to keep it at a minimum. He was merely mistaken for a snobbish noble that way, instead of the Lord of the Decepticons. So, an improvement there.

 _No taking pets home._ Cue Starscream's puppy eyes at the two albino tiger cubs. "Can I keep them?"

 _No getting food for free_. It seemed that they were just too gorgeous not to dote on so they were constantly offered food –popcorn, coke, sandwiches – some old lady even got as far as to squeeze a lollipop of all things in Starscream's hand.

 _No selling off Pigwidgeon._ At first Harry didn't want to believe they didn't do it, but apparently Pig became enamored with one of the condors housed there and well…

 _No complaining about the music._ Barricade hunted down the flutist and practically tore the poor guy apart verbally, making him bawl and rock around, curled in a small ball of misery.

 _Stick close to Harry at all times_ apparently translated into 'accompany Harry to the toilet every time he has to go'. Harry could have dealt with this, but being accompanied by two 'cons every single time he had to take a leak was a bit too much for in his humble opinion.

And who knew Barricade could get a sugar high of epic proportions from just one stick of cotton candy? Megatron, on the other side, could consume three… and become tipsy.

At least this time they weren't banned from ever returning.

Thank God and Primus for small mercies.

* * *

**16) Jealous**

Ronald Bilius Weasley was jealous. And for once, he wasn't jealous of his 'mate', one Harry James Potter – oh no, the cause of his jealousy was one Megatron…what was his surname already? Didn't matter.

The thing was, Megatron had thoroughly trounced him in chess – he didn't know how, because as Megatron had confessed, he had never, ever before in his life played chess – which had to be impossible, because nobody could be so good in chess without having at least some practice against some opponents, but it seemed that this red-eyed man was an exception.

Ron had made his name in the Wizarding and Muggle worlds as a chessmaster, and to meet, out of the blue, one single man that literally snatched the ground under his feet away –

Ron gritted his teeth. Why was it that when he was good at something that this bastard had to show up and shatter his hard-earned work into dust?

His brain was still going over the strategies this… man employed against his tactics and even if he wasn't willing to admit, the man was brilliance incarnated.

Ron himself had used some of his moves against some of his ordinary opponents, and they were a smashing success – however, it irked Ron something terrible.

If Megatron was to walk in any chess tournament, he would have stolen Ron's thunder before Ron had known it.

What irked Ron even more was the man's apparent nonchalance over the entire episode. He had the feeling Megatron was toying with him somehow – sometimes he lasted ten moves and sometimes Megatron gutted him at the very beginning.

Nothing made sense. Ron grabbed his hair and tugged at it, disregarding the pain in his scalp.

 _Argh!_ The man was just plain _infuriating!_

Not that it stopped Ron from playing with him, anyway.

* * *

**17) Spooked**

"We found them." Sam's voice echoed through the speaker, trembling with shock.

"Found who?" Ironhide asked before Optimus had the chance to ask the same question, making the Prime glare at him with exasperation.

"Uh… Barricade and–" The boy swallowed nervously. "Megatron."

_CRASH!_

There were definitely some processors frying right now.

"W – What? Megatron? Are you sure, boy?" Ratchet spluttered out, his optics wide with shock.

"Y-Yes." Sam's voice became gradually steadier.

"Are you in danger, boy?" Optimus finally asked, half-ready to call a roll out.

"Depends on what you term as all right," Sam's voice was flat right now.

"Does a dinner with Megatron, Starscream and Barricade, along with their… owner count as me being alright?"

This time, the CPU's of listeners definitely crashed.

Lennox exchanged a look with Mikaela.

"Either Sam's as high as a kite or Megatron has finally lost all his marbles." He commented, with Mikaela nodding mutely, her eyes wide.

"I heard that, squishy!" Megatron's voice barked through the speaker, causing them to jump up with fright.

"Jesus Christ! Give a man a heart attack, would ya!" Lennox spat out before he could catch his brain.

"Would love to, squishy, however I have guests to terrorize –excuse me, to entertain." Megatron's voice sneered out disdainfully. "And for your information, Lennox, I still have all my marbles, so to speak."

The speaker crackled out.

_CRACKLE, BUZZ_

"Ow, my head." Ratchet moaned out as he finally got back online. "I had a strange dream – something about Sam having dinner with Megatron and his two officers."

"It wasn't a dream." Lennox told him slowly.

"Aw, slag."

Everyone almost had heart or spark attack at that moment.

Did Optimus Prime just curse?

* * *

**18) Tattoo**

Groaning, Harry woke up in the middle of a pile of bodies. Usually, this would concern him, but right now, he had a headache of epic proportions, his eyes felt as if they were going to fall out of his skull at any given time, his tongue was something ready to be dead and buried and his butt ached something fierce.

Oh, and did we forgot to say he was naked?

He twitched experimentally.

Good. He still had all his parts. Whether they were in a working order, it remained to be seen.

He managed to straighten up when a searing pain in his right buttock made him yowl like a wounded cat and flatten back to the bed.

"Mmh? Harry?" Megatron's voice was groggy and his usually clear eyes were dimmed and bloodshot. At least his voice was deep enough to spare Harry any unwanted mental spikes of pain.

Green eyes glared. "What. Did. You. _Do?"_ Harry hissed out, carefully rolling around to the side.

A wave of agony made him whimper as someone – namely Barricade –thought to bite him in the ass.

Literally.

"Barricade! Wake up, you slagging ass-muncher!" Harry's voice was sharp, but it was Megatron's head slap that finally got the mech in question in the land of wakefulness.

" _Ow!_ Whu?" Barricade protested blearily, before attempting to go back to Harry's ass – excuse me, sleeping.

"Didn't know you had a taste for my ass now," Harry hissed nastily, before gingerly touching the bitten area. Barricade, even in his holo form, had wickedly sharp teeth.

"Shuddup." Starscream grumbled, his perpetually messy hair now even messier.

But both Megatron and Barricade were transfixed too much by Harry's ass to answer him.

Harry became nervous. "Hey, guys? What did we… um, do?"

Starscream blinked. "Huh… we played Truth or Dare."

"So why does my ass hurt, then?" Harry's question made Starscream blush and smirk at the same time.

"I dared you to get a tattoo on your ass. Happy now?"

Silence.

Then, Harry slowly turned his head to the smug Barricade.

"And who told you to bite my ass, huh?"

/*/

Five days later, Harry glared at the now healed tattoo. It was the Decepticon symbol, done in violet and it covered almost his entire right buttock.

The sign was here to stay, much to the three 'con's smug amusement and Harry's mortification. The next health check would be very interesting, indeed – especially because the entire thing was done in magical ink.

Harry scowled.

Magic sucked.


	6. Reach For The Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I own Transformers. What I own is this lil' story, however crazy is is /happy smirk/  
> Shout Out: I thank the people who sent me the prompts (You guys and gals seriously rock,) and apologize for being horribly late. Also, the main culprit in kickstarting this series again was my ever helpful beta, MHB, this chapter is dedicated to her as her birthday gift. Happy birthday, MHB and I wish you many happy years! And crikey, guys...and gals..../is dazed/ I Did It. As from this day on, I am a Logistics Engineer. This lil' title was the main culprit for not being seen nor hide nor hair of me on this site for so long, but I finished the college! /wide grin/. Hopefully now I will have some more time to write - anyway, Crimson Sagittarius will be the next one to be updated, as for the others, I still have to write them through.   
> Warnings: Meggie - ahem, Megatron torture via various means and devices. You don't need old-fashioned medieval torture chamber for getting Lord Megatron in trouble. /wide smirk/ Read on and see for yourself. Enjoy!

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own **_Harry Potter_** nor do I own **_Transformers._**   What I own is this lil'  story, however crazy is  is _/happy smirk/_

 ** _Shout Out:_** I thank the  people who sent me the prompts (You guys and gals seriously rock,) and apologize for being horribly late.  Also,  the main  culprit in kickstarting this series again was my  ever  helpful beta, **_MHB_** , this chapter is dedicated to  her as her  birthday gift.  Happy birthday, **_MHB_** and I wish you many happy  years!  And  crikey, guys...and gals _..../is dazed/_ I Did It.   As from this  day on, I am a  Logistics Engineer. This lil'  title was the  main culprit  for not being seen nor hide nor hair of me on this site for so long, but I finished the college! _/wide  grin/._   Hopefully now I will have some  more time to  write -  anyway,  **_Crimson Sagittarius_**   will be the next one to be updated, as for the others,  I  still have to write  them  through.

 ** _Warnings:_** Meggie -  ahem, Megatron torture  via various means and devices. You don't need old-fashioned  medieval torture chamber for  getting  Lord Megatron in trouble. _/wide  smirk/_ Read on and see for yourself.   Enjoy!

* * *

 

**_1) Blackmail_ **

Hermione smirked smugly at the three uncomfortable men in front of them. Oh yeah, revenge was sweet, indeed. She felt a little guilty for involving both Starscream and Megatron in her tiff with Barry Cade - actually, the only innocent **-** ahem, relatively innocent - one was Megatron, but she ruthlessly pushed the guilt in the back of his head.

"So...the question now is just what can you do for me in order **for me** to keep your secret." She drawled, smirking like one particularly ferrety Malfoy.

The three mechs looked at each other.

Was it or was it not worth it to keep her thinking that they were super-secret agents?

* * *

 

 

**_2) Headache_ **

Megatron winced as a spike of pain lanced through his skull. It was an annoying sensation, like someone was flaying his circuits with an electrical whip… directly. Grimacing, he massaged his temple as if to assauge the pain, when the sensation bolted through his nerves again.

"Megatron?" Harry asked him, green eyes looking at the mech with concern. "Are you alright? They were sitting in a booth in Florean Fortescue's, waiting for Hermione to finish her insane book-shopping spree after she had surprisingly managed to drag along both Starscream and Barricade, much to their horrified dismay. This woman was a beast in human disguise when it concerned any kind of knowledge, and it really didn't help that they had to refer to her as Mistress, garnering many weird looks in process. Megatron managed to evade the shopping expedition via the fact he had to… ahem, accompany Harry to Gringotts to deal with some business. (A bald-faced lie - Megatron just shamelessly used his rank to order both of the sulking ex-'Cons to go with one sadistically happy Miss Granger while he shamelessly hogged one oblivious Mr Potter.)

"I have a processor ache." Megatron managed to get out, wincing again as he clenched his eyelids shut, as he shoved in his mouth another mouthful of that divine goodness.

Harry eyed him exasperatedly.

"Of course you do. How many times have I told you not to gobble your ice cream so quickly?" The wizard sighed a long-suffering sigh. "It won't melt, you know." He pointed out wearily.

Megatron glared at him. "Ice always melts." He continued to gobble the frozen goodness down. "And it's hundred thirty and seventh time.

Harry blinked. "Hundred thirty and seventh?" he asked, confused. Megatron nodded and promptly winced at the movement. "You told me, quote, _not to gobble my ice cream_ , unquote, I believe.

The green eyed wizard sighed. "Figures you would remember that and _still_ gobble it down like it's going out of style."

Either his explanation of ever-freezing charms sucked _that_ much or Megatron was just plain masochist.

Meanwhile, Megatron resolved to master these processor aches even if it killed him. Nothing, and he meant _nothing_ ** _,_** defeated Lord of Deceptions, much less a measly processor freeze acquired via … enthusiastic gobbling down of ice cream.

'Sides, the ice cream was delicious.

* * *

 

 

**_3) Orchid_ **

"Here." Harry blinked as Barricade thrust a small flower with uniquely colored petals at him. Well, it wasn't every day Harry saw true blue orchid with hints of violet a the edges.

"Um, wow." He stammered as he accepted the plant, confused. "But why?"

Barricade shrugged nonchalantly "Saw it and it reminded me of you."

He didn't mention that it cost him some wheedling and much of his personal pride, lost to one Miss Granger just to find out which flower was Harry's favorite.

All the pain and trauma he had acquired in the process of gathering the required information was forgotten as soon he saw the small smile on his squishy's face.

Meanwhile, one Neville Longbottom was confused because in the greenhouse where he grew the Sky Orchids, there were some big tracks, as if a Yeti of some kind would trudge through the place. While he was counting the number of specimens, his feeling of confusion turned into feeling of being frantic as one of the precious, irreplaceable plants had just vanished. It didn't help that Luna just laughed and said the missing plant was in safe servos.

Just what the heck were _'servos',_ anyway?

* * *

 

 

**_4) Ice_ **

While Megatron loved ice cream, he absolutely hated and _loathed_ ice. Who wouldn't, after being frozen for almost half a millennia, and not being able to move for the same length of time **?** So he was understandably apprehensive when it came to ice-skating.

And he was right.

For all his… grace in the air and on the ground, he absolutely sucked at ice-skating, much to Barricade and Starscream's glee.

Fragging aft-heads, the both of them.

Megatron sulked.

* * *

 

 

**_5) Tape_ **

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

Or, in this case, duct tape was just priceless.

"So, ready to send the parcel off?" Starscream asked, grinning. His two compatriots smirked.

"Hell, yeah." Megatron rumbled, satisfaction evident in his voice.

It took some persuasion, a good-sized crate, one besotted 'gift' and at least two million of those small, plastic, sticky things called 'tape', but the 'gift' in question was ready.

One Optimus Prime wouldn't know what hit him.

The human practice of exchanging peace offerings was underrated, seriously.

* * *

 

 

**_6) Domestic_ **

The scene was…surprisingly domestic, Harry supposed. He never would have thought that his life after war would have involved three metallic behemoths playing Scrabble in his living room in their holo-forms, but he couldn't muster the discontent to protest the picture, even if they blatantly cheated, what with using the Cybertronian language.

Shame he couldn't cheat with Parseltongue, though, but there simply wasn't enough required 's' and 'h' tiles in the game pack.

* * *

 

 

**_7) Overload_ **

The guy nights surely were fantastic, Harry thought drunkenly, especially - He arched into the warm touch, groaning wantonly as he was divested of his other pieces of clothes.

"Wait - not in the rules -" He meant to say that, but what come out of his throat was a low , needy whine as the warm - so very warm -hands glided over his skin, into his hair, and someone's face nuzzled in his throat, making him shudder at the wet swipe of someone's tongue, and someone's hands slid lower and under and he jerked as they touched him - touched and grasped and moved - Harry nearly lost his breath at the sensation, so much better than his own hand, so strong so sensitive so pleasurable –

He arched, jerked, tried to catch his breath and at the same time hold it in as the warmth in his lower belly began pooling in, swirling into one loose ball of pleasure which then contracted and relaxed and with each movement, it contracted tighter, hotter, more, making him mewl in desperation as he half-listened to those purrs and clicks and humming and then, it contracted to the point of being painful, so painful he couldn't hold it in anymore, this white-hot, intense ball of sensation and he choked out half-yell and half whine as the ball imploded - inside and outside in a great rush of lightfeeling _release_ it made him twitch helplessly, his body under the command of pleasure so intense he almost blacked out, barely registering the wet feeling on his stomach.

Yeah, Harry concluded, guy nights were the best. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, surrounded with content clicks, purrs and whirrs.

* * *

 

 

**_8) Fabric_ **

Starscream scowled. This was just… icky. He didn't have any other word for it, but it was! He understood that to blend in he had to wear clothes - it was a given - but that redheaded little tart - ahem, one Ginny Weasley managed to dirty his shirt with ice cream, and even after apologizing for it, he was sure he caught a small smirk behind her remorseful façade. She fretted and apologized, but the damage was already done.

The problem in question was, that his… garment was… different, and he really didn't want to touch those icky things he was presented with. No it was not a matter of principle - Well, yes, it was, but the fabric was just horrid. It itched against his skin, and Starscream was sure that this… itch was not natural, besides that horrid orange color. It was as if someone was running an iron brush over his wings - _shudder_ \- or using fingernails on a chalkboard. _Double ick._ But for the sake of propriety, he had to wear at least something - Mrs Weasley was a formidable woman when it came to enforcing the rules in her house – and Starscream grimaced, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the thought of him being in that icky, itchy, and just plain horrid excuse for a fabric.

What? It wasn't his fault his skin was sensitive, thank you very much!

A hesitant knock on the door made for a small reprieve from his depressing thoughts about getting a rash via that… excuse for a piece of clothing.

"Starscream?" Harry's voice came through. "May I come in?"

The Seeker sighed. "Yeah." He called back, as he glared at the offending fabric, willing it to burn. Sadly, the cloth mockingly stayed the same.

"Heard you got into a mishap with ice cream." Harry's voice made him grunt in acknowledgement. "So I made a quick-trip – Whoa!"

Harry yelped as he found himself in a fervent embrace of one ecstatic Seeker.

"Thank Primus." Starscream breathed in Harry's hair as he snuggled deeper into him, closing his eyes in contentment.

Hesitantly, the squishy's organic arms embraced him back. "It's okay, Star." Harry murmured back and Starscream shivered as the warm breath hit his naked skin.

Five minutes later, the two emerged - Starscream smugly wearing a dark gray and red sleeveless shirt, with Harry being flushed, irritated and his hair more messy than usual.

Starscream's thank-you snuggle for getting him Harry's favorite silk shirt was just overkill in Harry's humble opinion. (Not that he didn't enjoy it… secretly. What was with the 'Cons being a snuggly and cuddly lot with him?)

And why was Ginny glaring at the smirking Seeker, anyway?

* * *

 

 

**_9) Rescue_ **

Usually, the Deceptions were the ones termed as villains, and rarely were they the ones to rescue anything.

However, it seemed that Crookshanks decided to play gentlecat in distress, as he somehow made a way up the tree, and having no clue in the world just how to come down.

Harry had received Hermione's frantic call on a hot July afternoon, and that killed all the plans one wizard and the 'Con trio had for the day. Apparently Crookshanks dodged the summoning charms, and instead of going to the lower branches, he only went up and up, and Hermione wasn't the one for climbing trees and would they just come and help her poor darling?

"So…who will get the furball?" Megatron asked bored, as he looked at the tree, while Harry was on the side, trying to calm down hysterically crying bushy-haired witch who was bawling about her 'baby'.

"Not me. I'm a grounder." Barricade immediately de-volunteered.

"And because you're a grounder, you're perfect for this task." Starscream sniped back.

Barricade glared at him. "What the fuck does being a grounder has to do with ability of climbing trees?"

"As much as it does with being a Seeker." Starscream snapped back. "But you're still the best choice to climb up and get the cat down by default."

" _Default,_ your malfunctioning rusty aft. You know what? Let's play Rock, Paper, Scissors. Whoever wins, has to get the furball." Barricade growled, making Starscream smirk at Megatron's absentminded nod.

/*/

"Why do I have to save the furball?" Megatrons' elegant complaint - read: whine - made the two Decepticons smirk smugly. "You won the Rock-Paper Scissors." Starscream replied candidly. Barricade smirked.

"Suck it up, Megsy, and get your aft up in the tree."

* * *

 

 

**_10) Specific_ **

"You said to get my aft up in the tree, not to save the damn furball." Came Megatron's cranky voice from the tree.

The two 'Cons on the ground looked at their leader incredulously. "Seriously? Couldn't you tell us before that you can't tree-climb?" Starscream asked their esteemed leader exasperatedly.

Well, you really learn something new every day. Who would have known that almighty Megatron, the Lord of Deceptions, and the ex-High Protector of the Cybertron was absolute pants at tree climbing?

"Oh, for Unicron's sake, just grab the furball, throw it down and - "

Barricade's rant was interrupted by a furious howl of kitty's momma that made the trio cringe with pain in their audio processors.

"YOU WILL NOT THROW MY DARLING CROOKSHANKS ANYWHERE!"

Well, now they were at impasse.

* * *

 

 

**_11) Awe_ **

In the end, the one who saved the day was - who else - one Harry James Potter. The messy-haired green-eyed still bespectacled young man looked at the tree, the furball clinging to the branch almost at the top of the tree and Megatron clinging to the trunk somewhere middle, sighed with exasperation, gently guided furious Hermione to wary Starscream's embrace, called up Barricade to give him a leg up, and then commenced Operation **:** Save The Tree Idiots.

He climbed easily, finding appropriate footholds effortlessly and soon reached and climbed above Megatron, until he reached the shaking orange ball of fur called Crookshanks.

Five minutes later, the feline was in his owner's tearful embrace, and Harry quietly instructed Megatron how to climb down the tree, which Megatron did with trepidation, but to his - and both land-bound Deceptions - he had done successfully.

"Oh Harry, you were wonderful!" Hermione gushed, her eyes big with adoration. "Thank you, I wouldn't know what to do without my Crooky." She nuzzled the still shaken cat gently, which also meowed a plaintive mew in thanks.

"Anytime, 'Mione." Harry replied gently. "Now, if you don't mind, we have plans, so…"

Hermione waved them away, still too engrossed in babying her precious kitty.

/*/

When they were in a safe distance away from kitty momma, Barricade finally managed to comment. "That was a piece of impressive climbing. Especially with rescuing Megatron." He needled their erstwhile leader who only growled in response, his cheeks flushing lightly with mortification.

Harry beamed a happy smile. "Really? Because that was my first time climbing a tree." He went ahead, leaving behind the three dumbstruck Decepticons staring after him.

"And that's why I hate heroes." Megatron groused out.

* * *

 

 

**_12) Stitches_ **

Starscream's newest obsession was…sewing. There was just something calming in stitching, pulling the needle into the fabric and then out, and watching how the creation of beautiful stitching under his fingers.

Both Barricade and Megatron cringed at the look of his creation. While Starscream had much enthusiasm, his creations were even worse than ones a kindergartener made **.**

The worst thing was, he intended to gift one of his… little…. projects to Harry, and knowing Harry, he would proudly wear the little creation of horror until it would fray to nothingness.

They swore, if – _when -_ it would come to that, they would somehow confiscate the damn thing and burn it with all the prejudice needed to get the onerous task done.

Then, they only had to convince Starscream to find some more … appropriate hobby.

* * *

 

 

_**13) Burn** _

**_"NOOOO!"_** The ghoulish scream belonged to the one and only Starscream upon the finding that his precious stitching cloth was up in flames, with both Megatron and Barricade grinning at him sadistically.

Starscream sulked for the rest of the week, until Harry had enough and ordered the culprits to do something about it.

The next morning when Starscream came into the kitchen, he was confronted with two very contrite 'Cons, with a big box in the background.

And what do you know, his new gift was a sewing machine with many fashion magazines and sewing tips.

Happy Starscream equaled to a busy Starscream, and while Harry got complimented on his superbly made clothes, both Megatron and Barricade had to suffer through the horror of being models for female clothes, which were published in magazine for crossdressers.

/*/

On the other side of the pond - ahem, ocean, Simmons looked at the picture of the pair of women lovingly. They were clad in classic Victorian getup, with some modern twists. The first one had smooth silver hair, and the second had a wild black mane, both red-eyed and clothed in carmine red and deep violet silk that showed off their legs and beautiful shoulders. "So strong. So … _manly._ So lovely." The agent shuddered in ecstasy as he looked at his intended loves. "Don't worry, darlings, papa will find you soon."

Somewhere in the England both Megatron and Barricade shuddered simultaneously.

"For some reason I'm feeling incredibly violated." Megatron muttered to Barricade while he was changing back in his clothes.

Barricade nodded. "Seconded."

* * *

 

 

**_14) Glee_ **

Megatron would be the first to admit that he enjoyed making beings squirm –beings, because his list didn't count only those Autoslags, but also his underlings and of course squishies, both of magical and non – magical variety.

But this… dinner… with Autoslags' Witwacky was one such chance that warmed the cold cockles and valves of his non-existent heart. It was funny sight, watching the Witwacky jump and stammer and flinch in his presence, even if it earned him some of Harry's reproachful stares and under-the table kicks to the shin.

He smirked with glee as Harry offered Sam lodging for the night.

Subtle, sublime art of terrorizing the Autoslag's squishy, here he comes.

* * *

 

 

**_15) Horror_ **

Sam's eyes bulged out with horror as the two mechs were joined by the third. The third one was the infamous Starscream, the one who had caused to Autobots many glitches with his ability to fly. Besides Megatron, Soundwave and Skywarp, Starscream was the most dangerous of **the** Decepticons just because he could fly, and as such cover more mileage than an average grounder, no matter how technologically advanced they were. Just on principle, Autobots would have lost if the two factions ever began serious hostilities against each other. Luckily, something happened that averted Megatron's attention from the Cube to something else - and Sam had a sneaking suspicion that something else wasn't the right word - but rather, _someone_ else was.

* * *

 

 

**_16) Glitch_ **

Sam Witwicky was one very glitched human. That was a fact the Autobots had accepted, because who else would have accepted them so readily and not go blab their entire existence to newspapers and other media? Mikaela Barnes, his batch mate was glitched a little, too - had to be to stick up with him.

However, the Grand Glitch Prize undoubtedly belonged to one Harry James Potter, who was the owner - how in the Pit did that happen anyway? - of the three most dangerous Deceptions alive .

Lennox just admitted that he would have loved to have the bastard in his squad, because finding someone with _cojones_ of diamonds to not only survive the terrible three but also _own_ them was not someone he would have wished to meet as an opponent.

* * *

 

 

**_17) Panic_ **

The Autobot Headquarters were currently in state of panic. The reason?

One Sam Witwicky having lunch with Megatron of all mechs and not only that, Starscream and Baricade. And no matter how much Sam reassured them that he was safe, that his… host, one Harry James Potter was a civil, polite bloke who was more than capable to rein his three…ahem, 'bots in check, the Autobots couldn't help but hyperventilate a little.

Ratchet was not amused with the heightened number of 'bots suddenly needing his services… but on the other servo, he had gotten to check someof the stubborn glitch-heads who evaded their health checks more than long enough.

Meanwhile, Optimus Prime and his small command team were contemplating how to forward the news, that one Samuel Witwicky was kind of kidnapped by kind of an opposing faction to his formidable, with iron baseball bat armed mother.

Jane Marie Witwicky's _'disciplinary overhauls'_ were not something any sane – or even insane - Autobot would wish upon their 'bot compatriots, but they would love to let her loose on Megatron's troublemaking aft all the same.

* * *

 

 

**_18) Wrath_ **

Jane Marie Witwicky was in full wrath mode. She had been looking forward to a nice evening, and a good homemade dinner with her husband and son, and there Sammy goes, getting himself kidnapped by those evil 'bots! She just knew that Autobots weren't good news, but for the sake of her son's happiness and – very minutely - Earth's safety, she let those elaborate tin buckets of rust take care of her darling son.

Oh no. Not anymore. She huffed as she clenched the bat in her hand, totally disregarding her husband who was trying to sneak away.

Whoever that Mega-scrap was, he better be prepared for some heavy handed discipline, via her trusty baseball bat. Nobody kidnapped her baby boy and got away with it!

Besides, interrogating that Ratchet fellow made for a very… interesting… conversation.

* * *

 

 

**_19) Error_ **

Megatron's first error this particular evening was that he thought he could get away with terrorizing one _Ladiesman217_ without feeling consequences. However, that proved to be a nearly fatal mistake, because when he was in middle of a particularly juicy baiting, his viewing channel winked offline and he had a terrible processor ache.

 _"Mum!"_ Megatron's… victim stared at the Amazon who held the well-known bat in her slender, delicate hands tightly, horrified. "I know he deserved it, but that was uncalled for!" Nobody dared to move in fear of attracting the wrath of the ferocious female – and her iron baseball bat - behind Megatron's chair.

Megatron's head was drowned in a soup dish, submerging some of his face, while the rest of the liquid was being splashed all over the desk, drenching Megatron's pullover and a part of his lap.

"This will be enough of your back talking, young man." Sam's mum snapped back. "I've left you to your shenanigans long enough. I didn't raise you to cavort with hooligans, metal ones or otherwise! Come here, we are going ho – "

"Auntie Mary?" The dreamy voice from the doorway stopped the lioness in the human guise cold, making her smile at one Luna Lovegood as if she was a harmless housewife (Yeah, right)

"Lulu, dear, how lovely of you to come help me. Let's get Sammy away from those good-for nothing ruffians."

* * *

 

 

**_20) Apology_ **

Megatron glared blearily at the ceiling, not wanting to even look at the female squishy who dared to almost crash his cognitive processors into an unrecognizable mulch. "I am sorry, mister Megatron. I hadn't realized you didn't have any evil intentions toward my Sammy." Her eyes were big and glassy, shiny with that saline liquid the squishies called… what was it already?.. tears or something. Or was it snot? He was undecided…

 _'I have the urge to practically quarter her damned hellspawn, if it weren't for that Pit-damned bat thing of hers.'_ Megatron growled to himself in his head, making the two 'Cons choke in process.

"Of course not, Mrs. Witwicky. "He replied politely. "You just got the insane urge to clobber my poor head for some unfathomable reason. Witwicky, has anyone ever told you that your parental unit needs anger management classes?"

* * *

 

 

**_21) Notes_ **

_Harry, buy milk. - Barricade_

_I've bought three cartons last time. There should be two in the storeroom still. - Harry_

_Starscream drank it all, the glitch-head. - Barricade_

_Did not. You used it for your Cheerios. - Starscream_

_Barricade, go buy Cheerios. – Megatron_

_Do it yourself, Megs. - Barricade_

_Harry, I am in need of new Cheerios. - Megatron_

_And I need my Schweppes. - Starscream_

_Go buy it yourself, I am busy. - Harry_

_That was mean, Harry - Starscream_

_Mean? Mean was when you chugged down my last dose of coffee. THAT's the meaning of being mean. – Harry_

_But you are neglecting us._ L _– Starscream_

_And you are being mean. – Harry_

_Yeah, what he said. – Barricade_

_What, now it's a 'Gang on Starscream Day? - Starsream_

_Bingo, 'Creamer. How did you guess? - Megatron_

_My superior logic circuits, of course. I want my Schweppes._ **_Now_ ** _. - Starscream_

_I swear, you love that stuff more than a high-grade Energon. - Barricade_

Servos off my Schweppes, 'Cade. I mean it. - Star

_In your dream cycle, 'Creamer. By the way, you still owe me three cartons of milk, you leech. - 'Cade_

_I_ ** _so_** _do not. There wasn't your name on 'em, anyway - Star_

_Neither was yours on my Cheerios - Megatron_

_Winners keepers, losers weepers, Meggie. You're simply not being mean enough. - Barricade_

_DON'T call me that M name if you wish to see the next sunrise. – Megg – (crossed out violently) – Lord Megatron_

Harry sighed as the notes on the screen of his phone devolved into bickering.

"Why do I feel like a retainer of a long-married threesome again?" He muttered to himself as he resolved himself to yet another trip to the market.

* * *

 

 

**_22) Card_ **

Hey, look, he's on a card!" Starscream exclaimed, his violet eyes wide with excitement as he rushed into the living room, interrupting the chess match between Megatron and Barricade rather violently.

"Huh? He is?" Barricade blinked, confused.

"Yeah, look." Starscream shoved the card at them.

And there he was, in all of his messy – haired, green-eyed glory.

Harry James Potter, one wizard extraordinaire.

* * *

 

 

**_23) Catch_ **

Harry Potter, despite claiming contrary, was quite a catch in the Wizarding and Muggle society. Similarly, his three companions were also, if not more so of a catch, because of their exotic appearance and being almost unnaturally perfect.

Shame that they managed to somehow vanish every time the model hunters got on tail of one or another, the only proof of their existence was rather successful clothing line and the photos of two models in some cross-dressing magazines.

* * *

 

 

**_24) Polish_ **

Barricade wasn't a vain mech - at least not to the extent Starscream was - but he had to admit that Harry polishing him was a very pleasant and sexy sight.

The cruiser shuddered as Harry dragged the cloth he had dabbed in some kind of a polish over his chassis on his hood. The feeling was… sublime, as if he had been massaged by the best masseuse in the world. he purred louder, making Harry chuckle at the sound. "Like it?" the wizard asked, only to squeak when strong arms curled around his waist, pressing his back against the hard body.

"Love it." Barricade purred back, nuzzling Harry's neck briefly before gifting the skin there with a faint bite.

* * *

 

 

**_25) Irony_ **

"Take _that,_ and _that_ and _that_ … _huff, huff_ …. And **_this_**!"

Megatron's vindictive voice growled out, barely heard among the whining of the buzzsaw and some other sounds –

_Crack-crash – creaaaak_

"Wonder what he's doing now…" Starscream mused. "It sounds like he is torture something in here."

Barricade snorted. "He ordered me not to allow anyone in – "

_Crash-_ **_BANG!_ **

Both of the 'Cons jumped in the air at the loud sound.

"You sure it was safe to leave him to… whatever he is doing right now?" Starscream asked, his voice uncertain.

"You want to be on the business end of his sword, just go in there." Barricade replied dryly.

Starscream cringed. "I'll pass, thank you very much."

Meanwhile, Megatron eyed his… victim… rather evilly.

Well, this should do… for now.

The victim in question was sawed at, wrung and from the once beautiful specimen, it was reduced into a rather… gnarly one, as if it aged at least four thousand years under Megatron's 'tender' mercies.

Take _that,_ you excuse for an aft-head. Nobody mocks Megatron.

/*/

"Oh, my. What an excellent specimen - just look at its trunk! And how is pruned! Whoever did this, they were a superb master –" The Japanese man raved, his eyes suspiciously shiny with admiration.

Starscream and Barricade looked at each other.

"You don't think…"

"That this was Meggy's yesterday's victim?" Barricade finished, sighing as he nodded.

Apparently the Japanese man had supernatural hearing, as somehow, they found himself staring in the old man's excited face. "You! You two! You know who created this beauty?"

Barricade eyes the .. _beauty_ warily. "Errr. Yes?"

Promptly, the man grabbed him by his pullover. "Where is she? Who is she? She is so very talented – "The man sighed, as if lovestruck.

"Um, he is not – "Barricade tried to fend the man off.

"Quiet, young man. Just tell me who she is. She has a superb gift that should be cultivated further."

Starscream eyed the poor tree doubtfully. _Cultivated?_ Yeah, right. But then, he smirked evilly.

"Meggie is a shy one, Mr.?" He inquired.

The man nodded. "Yoshitaka Horio." He released confused Barricade while he nodded at Starscream.

"Tell her to contact me at her earliest convenience…. It's not every day you find a true genius in shaping bonsai trees." Yoshitaka told the youth, offering him a card, before continuing to admire the tree.

/*/

Three days later, one very confused Harry Potter handed Megatron a thick letter. "I don't know why, but there's a letter for you."

Megatron's red eyes blinked. "Well, I didn't give out your box address to anyone."

Starscream and Barricade looked at each other. The russet-haired Seeker shrugged as the black haired man's red eyes glared at him. Barricade just knew they were in trouble now.

"So open it." Starscream offered, nonchalantly sitting on the settee and crossing his legs, as he examined the fingernails on his left hand. Red eyes looked at him suspiciously.

"You know something?" Megatron asked, his silver eyebrows arching at Starscream's minute cringe.

"Of course not." Barricade replied haughtily.

"It's not a prank either. Nobody knows about this post box." Harry murmured as he looked at the simple letter in Megatron's hand. "Just open it already."

With a sharp not, Megatron tore the letter open, blinking with confusion when a big laminated card fell out. "What's that?"

He picked up the card, red eyes widening with confusion as he read the contents.

_Recipient: Miss Meggie_

_AWARD FOR THE 1 ST PLACE IN BONSAI MAKING_

_250.000 £ (two hundred and_ _fifty_ _thousand British pounds)_

Harry's eyes widened. "Wow. I didn't know you knew how to make bonsai, Megatron.

The tea in Barricade's mouth was promptly spat out. _"Seriously?!"_ He squeaked out while Starscream pounded his back.

Meanwhile, Megatron quickly read the accompanying letter. Red eyes widened momentarily, and then promptly narrowed in anger.

" _Meggie_ , huh?" His voice was dangerously silky. "Why do I have a feeling that I know the culprits?"

"You don't." Starscream blurted out. "I am sure it was just a coincidence."

"Although I am surprised that your tree massacre was considered art, and even managed to get a first place of all things." Barricade mused thoughtfully, not noticing Starscream horrified stare when Megatron picked an enclosed photo.

"Just a coincidence, huh?" Megatron's voice was as mild as milk, but right now, the two culprit's blood was frozen with terror. "So it's just a coincidence I was mistaken for a female and addressed with that despicable name?"

"Um, yeah?" Starscream squeaked out, and then both of the 'Cons dived out of the window, just in time to be missed by two rather heavy ornamental vases.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU BASTARDS!"

Megatron jumped after them, leaving Harry alone to look at the photo.

"Well, it is a rather fetching tree…" The green eyed wizard mused thoughtfully as he smiled at the photo. "Maybe Megatron finally got over his complex of being unable to climb trees…"

* * *

 

 

**_26) Divine_ **

It was cold. And miserable. And those squishies would pay _dearly_ once he would get out if this frozen aquatic Pit.

Nobody said that being sniped and quartered was pleasant experience.

Just… a little bit more.

He wanted to flinch as another group of squishies was gathered in front of his faceplates, the main squishy telling the other ones something about NBE-1 – Megatron imagined taking this squishy into his servos, and then slowly crush his extremities - bit by bit –

-and then his senses were assaulted with a divine feeling of something that loosened his coils and made his spark just a little bit warmer and his processors a bit less sluggish…

All too soon, he was left alone, that divine presence retreating, leaving him with only a mirage of warmth coiling in his valves.

_What in the Pit was that?_

* * *

_ **To Be  Continued**   
_

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Hell no, I don’t own. I am only borrowing them for mine and the readers’ amusement. 
> 
> Shout Out: I apologize for the delay - I had to work on the fields and search for a job (still searching for it, by the way,), and MHB had her exams to worry about, the whole shebang was delayed up until now. I am writing though, so no worries on that front, though it may take some time to update my other works, as I am working on five separate projects at once, one of them is for an original story. 
> 
> It came to my notice - by one very….persistent… reader… that I should have put up a notice in authors’ bio if I had any longer absences like this one. Personally, I didn’t think this was needed, as I update the stories sooner than later, and I really don’t know just how many of you DO check the authors’ bios for that kind of information. I am asking for your opinions here, so do tell if you would like that kind of information available here. (I avoid using AN in stories, as it’s unfair to post AN without having a story along, so I am NOT doing that, expect in special circumstances.)
> 
> Warnings: Misuse of Orks, toffees and brotherly bonding Cybertronian style. Of course, one Optimus Prime has a mouth in that one… oops. Oh, and the ‘cons get schooled in one of the oldest idions known to the humankind. Poor them…. Not! So, you ready? 
> 
> PS: Optimus Prime’s veeery colourful vocabulary here. Credit goes to jaylin and his/her site of Transformers curses, insults and swears. You want to use them in public, go ahead, but I am not responsible for the consequences. /very mild, but scary smile/
> 
> Ornament - Loosely translates to "useless person" with shadings of "arm candy.  
> What’s your malfunction - What is wrong with you  
> Microchip moron - Another word for ‘stupid’  
> Processor - Equivalent to human ‘brain’  
> Audioboxes - Equivalent to human ‘ears’  
> Cybertron below me - Roughly equivalent to "my God" or "What on Earth?" depending on context.  
> Glitched - Not normal… or fucked up.  
> Burnout - Term for a robot past his prime.  
> Knock-off - Approximate equivalent to "bastard".  
> Kite - Effective, if mild, insult against jets with big wings.  
> Glitch-headed - Crazy, insane  
> Lump - Useless, stupid, and ugly besides.  
> Miss-clock - Hints at a bit of insanity, too... they're more than just slow, their internal timing is off kilter enough that their processors aren't even working in a normal mode  
> Spawn of Unicron - Loosely translated the same as ‘spawn of devil’  
> My sine function - Similar to saying ’My left foot’  
> I don’t give a flying frag - Used where a human might say, "I don't give a darn (flying fuck)."  
> Go jump into the smelter - General insult. Meaning ‘go jump from a cliff’.  
> Dim-spark - Meaning is similar to "dim-wit".

 

* * *

  
**_1) Toffee_ **

  
It was all the Twins’ fault. Really.  
Besides Schweppes, Starscream had only one glaring weakness - and that was in the shape of those yummy little caramel candies, called toffees.  
And as such, he couldn’t help but secretly take one when the Twins visited Harry.  
In his defense, the toffee smelled so yummy that he just couldn’t say no.  
However, his little act of stealing didn’t remain unpunished for long.  
As soon as the toffee was eaten, Starscream’s eyes widened with horror as he felt his tongue become bigger and longer and, try as he could, he couldn’t keep it in his mouth.  
Mortified, he dismissed his holoform form, only to screech in dismay as he found out that his ‘bot form had somehow gained a fifteen feet long nose.  
“WAAAAGH!” He tried to roar out, but instead of that, the sound coming out of his voice processor was like one of those demented Orks Megatron liked so very much to kill in that Starcr - no, Warhammer game.  
Curse those twins. If he ever got them in his servos, they would knew the meanings, texts and subtexts of agony!  
Starscream fumed while he tried to shift in his biped form…. With zero success.  
**  
Meanwhile, Megatron stiffened.  
“You heard that?” He asked Harry, his posture stiff and crimson eyes wide with glee.  
“I told you those Waagh Orks were real!” He said excitedly, as if he were a little boy instead of a grown up man - excuse me, several millennia old mech. Harry sighed. Megatron and his obsession with Warhammer. Since Dudley had gifted him with that game in a misguided attempt to build familial bridges between them (surprisingly, he was on the development team for the thing,) Megatron was just plain obsessed with the game, even going so far as to make the armor and hammer -  
“Now, where did I shelve my hammer and armor?”  
 _“MEGATRON!”_

* * *

  
**_2) Flutter_ **

  
Ginny’s heart was fluttering when she approached Harry’s room. This would be the greatest surprise ever, and wouldn’t Harry just love it - she knew Harry would love her present the best, after all, wasn’t he in love with her?  
She swallowed as she clenched the fabric of her robe in her hand tightly.  
She had planned this night for so long it seemed forever - she would clothe herself in her sexiest underwear and nightie, along with that rich red cloak and then surprise him.  
After hours of loving, he would embrace her, and confess to her his eternal love, and she would shyly accept it –  
Still daydreaming, she slowly opened the door in Harry’s room, only to freeze at the doorstep.  
There, Harry was - in the middle of the puppy pile, made from those three acquaintances of his, all of them in various states of undress.  
Harry was decently dressed in pale blue long-sleeved pajamas, even if half of the buttons on the upper part were unbuttoned, giving Ginny a teasing glimpse of his neck and part of his chest.  
He was laying on Megatron’s bare chest, and on his right side there was Barry Cade - his dark hair mussed and clothed in a white skin tight wife beater and dark gray briefs, while Star, the redhead was - Ginny blushed a fire engine red - completely naked, the silver of the sheet barely covering his essentials.  
Swallowing she closed the door gently and ran back to her room.  
That just wasn’t fair.  
Meanwhile, one red eyes peeked open, when it surveyed the coast and deeming it clear, the eye was joined by the other red orbs, all of them gleaming hungrily at the mortified green ones.  
“Now, where were we?” Barricade purred out, smirking.  
And Harry’s heart fluttered.

* * *

  
**_3) Duck_ **

SQUEAK, SQUEAK

He looked at the small yellow thing in his hand, fascinated how such a shape could product that kind of sound.

SQUEAK, SQUEAK.  
It was also a great stress relief, and - he frowned.  
Maybe it was a little bit lonely.  
SQUEAAAAK  
“Don’t worry, I will get you a friend soon.” Barricade promised to the duck solemnly as he gently - by his standards - squeezed it, emitting a pitiful but agreeable squeak from it.  
/*/  
Harry stared.  
Barricade’s room was… well, pretty much barricaded by plastic ducks of all colors - red, blue, green, yellow - he even spotted some violet and hot pink ones, along with electric blue ones. All of them looked… well, well-loved (well-molested, that is).  
“Barricade.” His voice was calm and oddly flat. “I think Squeaky has more than enough friends.”  
Barricade looked at the little yellow duck in his palm, the first one he had gotten. Its shape was barely similar to a duck; if someone saw it, they would say it was kind between some scary ducky hybrid and melted plastics.  
“Don’t cry, Squeaky, he doesn’t know what he is talking about.” He muttered to the small toy while fondly… err, fondling it.  
SQUEAK, SQUEAAAK  
Harry sighed. Another lost cause.

* * *

  
**_4) Exception_ **

  
Usually, Decepticons didn’t make exceptions. They didn’t discriminate in hating - they hated everyone equally. So it stood that they were a miserable bunch without the word ‘fun’ in their vocabularies - with the exception of maiming, torture and getting their opponents in difficult situations.  
Deceptions were hard ‘bots of the guns whose happiness entailed causing the misery of everyone else. And that went double for Megatron.  
If his minions fragged up they better well own up to it and accept both the punishment, and if they didn’t frag their assignment, they better be there and be good punching bags.  
With those fleshbags, it was the same thing.  
All of them were the same.  
Only, there was one exception.  
Megatron’s frozen circuits - not so frozen now, but shhh, fleshbags didn’t need to know about that, began to sluggishly run as he tried to look at the little person with such warm energy.  
Even if he was a squishy… he was an exception…  
 _His_ exception.  
And yes, Megatron was allowed to have exceptions… even if the one he currently had was of a squishy variant.

* * *

  
_**5) Exit** _

“You know where the exit is.”

Ginny glared mutinously at the silver-haired man. She didn’t know when, how and why, but Harry’s three roommates were ridiculously protective of him, even going as far as to show her the exit every damn time she visited him. _‘The nerve of them!’_ She fumed. Didn’t they know that their love was destined? And instead of that, those Morgana-forsaken imbeciles were still obstructing her way to him. They were just plain mean, old - she was sure all three of them were at least ten years older than her beloved Harry, and all around stinking freeloaders, no matter what Harry said. Her Harry was just too soft-hearted and once she was Mrs. Potter she would chuck them out faster than any one of them could say one of their ridiculous words.

There would come a day when she would be the one who would say those damned words.  
And she would relish every single moment of it.

They may have won the battle, but the war would be hers. Nodding curtly, she headed to the exit and slammed the doors behind herself. After all, Harry wasn’t in the house, so what was the harm in venting her frustrations?

Megatron winced at the sound, glaring at the now-closed door. This was becoming way too tedious. He may have been more than a millennia old, but his patience surely wasn’t infinite. Now if only Harry could allow him to ‘persuade’ the chick to leave him alone Megatron’s way, he would be a happy camper.

Oh, and by the way, Megatron’s way of dealing with the pest would involve the liberal use of grenades, laser weapons and bullets even Ironhide couldn’t scoff at. In fact, the Autobot’s weapon master would probably congratulate him and maybe later on even join in exterminating the fleshbag cockroach.

Harry was such a prude. The ex-Decepticon leader huffed with aggravation. Megatron’s use of force was perfectly reasonable. Honestly!

* * *

 

**_6) Karma_ **

Optimus Prime was universally regarded as a kind, helpful mech by both of his people and the humans he had come in touch with. A veritable boy scout, as one Sam Witwicky labeled him. So it was no surprise he received much attention, admiration and gifts.

However, the latest one was a little… too much. Optimus eyed the big, taped box with some holes in the side warily. “You said this was a habit when making the peace between different factions?” He once again asked Will, just to be on the safe side.

Will Lennox sighed. Since Sam’s… audience with the owner of the three ex-Decepticons, Optimus became increasingly paranoid, even if Sam had reassured him that nothing untoward had happened…. Well, aside from his mother’s bashing Megatron’s skull into the soup, and because of that single deed, Mrs. Witwicky had become much lauded and adored human among the Autobots, her own fan club being almost bigger than Sam’s. (And some ‘bots secretly worshipped the famous bat that had so soundly boinked Megatron’s head, even going so far as to invent the new phrase – swearing by Judy’s bat was the newest and the most binding vow any ‘bot could make - ‘cross their cores and hope to be struck with The Bat’, as in opposition to the fleshling’s expression of ‘crossing the heart and hoping to die’

Anyway, after assuaging his fears, Optimus carefully began to remove the tapes - who in the Primus’ name had though out that wrapping the thing with those little pieces of sticky plastic was a good idea was indeed a master torturer, especially when Optimus couldn’t help but be polite, and insisting it would be rude if he cut or tore the little annoyances apart.

And so, after two whole hours, the box was finally free of the bindings… except for one.

“So, will you open it or not?” Ironhide grumbled, peeved. He respected his leader, truly he did, but for all his good points, Optimus sure could be one masochistic little bitch when it struck him so… like with that Pit-spawned box. Ironhide would prefer to ka-boom it into smithereens, the cursed thing being the peace offering be damned, but nooo, Optimus just had to carefully unstick the tapes and then loop them back for reuse. (Another fact – Optimus Prime was incredibly thrifty. In comparison with him, even that miserly cartoon duck was positively generous.)

“So what do you think they sent him?”

“Hopefully not a bomb.” Mirage replied tonelessly as he eyed the boy with suspicion.

“Well, we won’t find out if we leave it closed, so, do the honors, Optimus.” Will snarked, prompting the Autobot leader to nod.

“Indeed.” And with that said, he proceeded to carefully unstick the last tape. As soon as the tape was off, the box burst open, and a flaxen-haired blur attached itself to the Optimus’ neck.

“Darling!” The blush squealed when she showered the poleaxed hologram with kisses, leaving red lipstick shapes behind. “’Ow I mizzed you! I love you, _mon amour_ , take me to bed and make sweet love to me, my destined one!”

The males eyes bugged out at the scene – Optimus’ hologram being helplessly strangled in the beautiful woman’s loving embrace and enduring her lovely naked body against his form.”

Lennox whistled. “ _Dayum,_ Optimus, I would take that kind of peace offering any day. You lucky sod.”

Optimus Prime was a good boy. Thus, he had good karma.

Shame that his karma just happened to be a bitch, wasn’t it?

The base was then treated to the sight of stuttering, blushing and half-naked (Not by his will!) and lipstick covered hologram of one Optimus Prime streaking through it, with a naked blonde beauty hot on his heels.

Megatron smirked while his two subordinates fairly roared with laughter as they watched the shenanigans, and the mess, especially when the soldiers tried to stop the girl, only for her to change into a pissed off, ugly and flame-throwing harpy.

Yup, peace offerings were seriously underrated.

* * *

 

**_7) Joke_ **

  
“It was a joke, man! Just a joke!” Gred - or was it Forge- stuttered under the might of Starscream’s evil glare.  
“Oh really?” Starscream’s frazzled appearance leaned a tad more to the homicidal one, as he smiled sweetly, making the twins yelp in fright and hug each other.  
The WAAGH! Episode - yes, with capital letters - didn’t end good for the now-bedraggled Seeker. And seriously, just why was Megatron so into cosplaying Warhammer, anyway?  
He _so_ utterly loathed the toffees now. Starscream grimaced. And to think he finally found a sweet he could stomach…A lone tear slid down his hollowed out cheek. As an effect of Megatron’s only-too-cheerful anti-WAAGH! campaign, his hologram processor was damaged - not to mention his original body, curse his imbecile of an ex-leader – and as an result, his usually impeccable, spiffy hologram was looking like something out of a concentration camp and halfway to becoming a zombie.  
“Then you wouldn’t mind if you repent. Don’t you?” A small demented smile appeared on his face, making the twins squeak with fright.  
“S-Sure!” They replied in chorus, thanking their lucky stars, only to be blindsided by their ex-victim beautiful smile. “Oh, thank you,” Starscream said cheerfully. “And remember, no take-backs.”  
With that being done, the ‘con almost skipped out of the room, leaving the twins to stare dumfounded at his back.  
“Dumber brother of mine, have you got a feeling…” George said,  
“… that we were royally utterly and completely duped by the dearest Scream Cream here?” Fred finished, his voice quivering with terror.  
The twins looked at the door Starscream had gone through, not letting themselves detangle out from their scare-hug.  
“Yup.” George said flatly.  
“Doomed. Fred finished mournfully.  
Then, Fred’s eyes widened. “Did he say no take-backs?” He hissed out, alarming his twin, who paled another notch and mutely nodded his agreement.  
They were totally, utterly screwed.  
**  
Three days later, Starscream was humming cheerfully as he headed to Megatron’s room and opened the door.  
“Hey, Megatron? You up for a game of paintball?” He asked cheerfully, making his commander’s silver eyebrow quirk with curiosity.  
“Paintball?” Megatron hummed, but a moment later, as he accessed the information, his lips stretched into an evil smirk. “Of course.”  
Starscream’s happy smile changed into a small smirk.  
**  
“So what now?” Both of the ‘cons were in clad in the protection gear along with the goggles, looking like trained soldiers even in that cheap attire.  
Starscream smirked. “Just come with me.”  
They entered the place - a kind of disjointed maze - and Starscream whistled a piercing whistle, making Megatron flinch and glare at the shrill sound.  
“You – “He growled only to be interrupted by a very well-known sound.  
“WAAGH!”  
Red eyes widening, Megatron looked at his SIC. “Orks?” his voice was a near-worshipful whisper.  
Starscream nodded generously. “Orks. And they are all yours.”  
And as if on cue, an Ork waddled from the corner in all his ugly glory, though his mane was a suspiciously familiar color.  
Jaw dropping in horror, and with its eyes comically wide the Ork tried to shy away, but it was too late. Megatron had already spotted it, and with a maniacal grin, the former protector of Cybertron raised his paint gun.  
 _ **“FOR THE EMPEROR!”**_ A mighty roar exploded from his throat when he gave a chase, prompting the Ork to squeak an unmanly squeak and hightail away with all the due speed it could manage, leaving Starscream behind.  
Starscream smiled. It was a slow, dangerous smile, which ended in a contented sigh as he leaned against the signpost. His costume making skills were truly a marvel, and those twin cretins were getting their due.  
Life was beautiful.  
WAAGH!  
**

  
The troublesome Weasley duo, and the former Prankster Kings of Hogwarts were literally crying when they were hobbling back to their little bachelor pad.  
“No take-backs, indeed.” Fred grumbled as he winced when he shuffled on. That Megatron had a scarily good aim and an even scarier set of lungs. Who the hell was the Emperor, anyway?  
“Too true, brother of mine.” George gruffed out as he hesitantly touched the shiner on his face and immediately winced. This was even worse than the last stand against Voldemort, and that was saying something!  
Muggles were cruel, inventing such a painful game, and Starscream was a sadistic son of a bitch, what with his almost unreal costume-making skills. When they saw the costumes, the twins had breathed a sigh of relief - a costume, even as fugly as those, they could do - they had worn girls lingerie when they were pranked once, and those Ork costumes were practically a gift from heaven in comparison with the torture devices the G-strings and bras were.  
However, when they were told they would be participating in a game, they became warier. This was too good to be true. When they got the guns, they cheered up, but then, Starscream’s instructions were not to talk between them, only allowed to emit one sound and not to surrender for a minimum of two hours if they wanted his forgiveness.  
So they - in fact, George - who had WAAGH!ed away at Starscream’s sign, and then, the asshole had the gall to let loose Megatron in them! If it had been only Starscream, they could deal with it, but Megatron was a whole different kettle of fish, especially Megatron doped on that Emperor drug.  
“Brother of mine?” Fred asked, his voice low with exhaustion.  
“Yup, Starscream is an S.” George confirmed.  
The two twins had a system on their targets. E was Easy, M as one who loved to get with the pranks and laugh it off – in fact, those positively _begged_ them to be hit with one of them again, the masochists, D were Dreadnoughts, the ones who plowed on, regardless of the effects , the spoilsports, F was for foxy ones, who were likely to turn their pranks back on them in some manner - Hermione earned an F, when they pissed her off once, and S was the mythical classification, for the Untouchables, the ones who could and would do unspeakable things to the aspiring masters of pranks like they were. Painful. Humiliating. And the lesson stuck very, very deeply. S as… Sadists. Or Gods of Retribution.  
And much to their lament and horror, Starscream was a true blue, bona fide S.  
They shuddered in unison, yelping at the numerous aches and pains racking their bodies.  
Never again. Never, ever _ever_ again.  
Waagh.

* * *

  
**_8) Loop_ **

Usually, Megatron was a happy camper. Well, semi-happy, if you want to be nitpicky, but okay. Hovewer, right now, he was glaring fiercely at the computer screen. It was always the same - be woken up, go to the training, endure the fleshbags’ inane conversations, then be killed by various painful means and shake, stir, repeat until you got to the final boss…and then, back to the beginning.

Dammit, those loops were beginning to get on his nerves.

He swore he would kill those damned Mimics even if that was the last thing he did.

 ** _BEEP-PEEP._ ** The beginning again. Cue twitching of Megatron’s left eyebrow.

Megatron stilled. Then inhaled, and then exhaled, his muscles trembling with the effort to hold still,  
Finally he couldn’t hold it in anymore.  
Jumping up, he tore the wide flat screen off of its place and threw it through still closed window as if it were a harmless Frisbee.

“DAMMIT, THIS PIT-SPAWNED THING IS GLITCHY! I DEMAND A REFUND!” he roared, furious.

“I will demand refunds for destroying my property, you bastard.” Came a deathly calm voice behind his back, and the mighty, undefeatable (until now,) Megatron squeaked like mouse going through puberty.

In the background, the ending track of the ‘All You Need Is Kill’ game tinkled mournfully as he stared into furious green eyes as his owner approached him.

“Sorry?” He asked, his voice meek when he courageously held his ground against the advancing wizard who was not happy with little old him and his antics. .

Curse you, loop. Curse you.

(From then on, the L-word was forbidden to be mentioned around Megatron. Barricade was the first unsuspecting victim to voice it and paid for it dearly. However, Harry managed to stop Megatron from going into a rampage in the library – although that didn’t stop Harry from extracting refunds from the short-tempered mech.)

* * *

 

**_9) Method_ **

  
There was no method to the madness that was life with Harry and his fleshbags. Especially when counting that little fleshbag who was capable of changing the colors of his hair became furry once per month.  
Barricade had a bright idea - not! - to take the said little fleshbag who was named after a cutesy bear - Teddy, was it? – for a walk.  
When it was a full moon.  
And this was an origin of the legend about the crazy man with a rainbow-colored werewolf traipsing through the daisies like they didn’t have any care in the world.  
But that was Unca Barry and little Teddy’s little secret.  
No method to the madness, but there a madness to the method - said furball was calm, Barricade didn’t need to listen to its whines and he got far away from Starscream’s latest fashion experiments.  
So, wins all around.  
(There was the pesky matter of the furball’s biological father, but after a good reasoning with the man, Barricade’s strolls were almost uninterrupted by said parental unit.)

* * *

  
**_10) Quash_ **

  
At first, Megatron had though to conquer the world of fleshbags, if only because that would calm his vindictive little spark and also cleanse the world from those pathetically weak species.  
But nowadays, he found out that the ones who were quashed were him and his ilk - and it was not with any over-the top weapon or anything.  
It was… The red-eyed and silver-haired man pondered. Kindness. Loyalty. Quirks and temper and acceptance, all wrapped in one small, fragile, human-shaped package with green eyes.  
If he had to be quashed, Megatron mused, this was definitely the best way to go…  
He grimaced.  
But not when his conqueror was drooling on his chest.  
Grumbling quietly to himself, he carefully moved Harry’s head and wiped the spit away with a piece of his pajama before lowering it back to its place.  
Well, he always knew that there had to be some pitfalls to their agreement.  
He felt Harry nuzzle into his chest while sighing happily, and he relaxed.  
Well, there may be pitfalls, but the perks definitely outweighed them.

* * *

  
  
**_11) Upset_ **

Optimus Prime was rarely upset. Very rarely. He was calm, happy, he may have been taken aback, he was devastated, miserable and everything in between.

But he rarely, very rarely felt the state that was under the deceiving name of… _being upset._  
However, this little episode with the peace gift warranted this kind of forbidden feeling.

Oh, and a little known fact - When Optimus Prime is … ahem, upset, it’s the right time to run for the hills. (The secret to Optimus Prime being an actual Prime is not his wussy ways or being kind or being capable of leading. It’s… shocking, but true...his ability to be _upset._ )

Scratch that, it’s too late by then.

So… Optimus Prime wasn’t a happy ‘bot about receiving an ornament (arm candy), and he wanted to express his kind regards to the sender. And so, on some mild summer evening, the long-unused link between the two berth-mates came into life.

Megatron was quietly playing chess with Starscream and winning - of course, he was Lord Megatron he always won - when something tickled the long-unused part of his processor.

It was like knocking.

And he knew damned well just who was on the other side of those proverbial doors.

Smirking, he opened the channel.

_“Hello, little brother.”_

_‘Megatron.’_ The answer came back in sub-zero tones and Megatron was surprised his processor hadn’t frozen yet. Hm, maybe his training with ice-cream was good for something, after all.

“ _Did you enjoy the gift?”_ Megatron couldn’t help but needle Optimus a little.

 _‘This Terran practice is barbaric.’_ The seething reply made Megatron’s lips curl up in a happy smirk.

 _“Come on, brother, it wasn’t so bad.”_ He cajoled. _“And the fleshling agreed to play her part.”_

 _‘WASN’T SO BAD?’_ Optimus’ voice lost its sub-zero tones and went straight to shrieking ones, making Megatron wince at the volume. _‘WASN’T SO BAD? YOU… WHAT’S YOUR MALFUNCTION!? HUMANS ARE NEVER USED FOR PEACE GIFTS, YOU MICROCHIP MORON! IS YOUR PROCESSOR LEAKING OUT OF YOUR AUDIOBOXES? CYBERTRON BELOW ME, IT IS, ISN’T IT? ALL THAT ICE MUST HAVE GLITCHED YOU - WAIT, YOU WERE PRETTY DAMN GLITHCED BEFORE, YOU BURNOUT KNOCK-OFF KITE!’_

Megatron’s smirk faded at the last insult. _“Hey, I resent the last remark.”_

 _“YOU MEAN YOU RESEMBLE IT, YOU GLITCH-HEADED LUMP OF A MISS-CLOCK!’_ Optimus howled back, incensed. _“YOU SPAWN OF UNICRON – ‘_

 _“Thanks for the compliment,_ ” Megatron interrupted him dryly, _“Though that’s not nice to say to your older brother.”_

_‘OLDER BROTHER, MY SINE FUNCTION! I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FRAG ABOUT OUR RELATION – ‘_

_“How sweet.”_ Megatron muttered to himself sarcastically. _“My spark is practically breaking with despair at your erstwhile proclamation.”_

_‘GO JUMP INTO THE SMELTER, YOU DIM-SPARK!’_

_“Oy, oy, that was definitely not deserved.”_ Megatron huffed back. _“I’ll have you know I am very intelligent.”_

 _‘WELL, THEN TAKE THAT INTELLIGENCE OF YOURS UP YOUR TAILPIPE, BECAUSE IT’S DEFINITELLY NOT WORKING IN YOUR PROCESSOR!’_ A sound of furious venting came through the link, and Megatron sighed.

 _“Better now?”_ he asked dryly.

 _“Much.”_ Optimus agreed, his voice once again calm and not fraught with static. _‘Now, dear brother of mine, tell me what warranted that gift of yours unless you want me to become… **upset.’**_

Megatron gulped.

_‘Oh, scrap.’_

* * *

 

**_12) Voice_ **

  
Voice. Not necessarily the most important for Cybertronians to communicate. They had their comm links, and that was it. If ‘bot was mute, they could always repair or switch the voice processor, or even repair the programming, and it was rare that thevoice box was glitched up to the stage it was impossible to repair.  
However, the fleshbags - ahem, oops, excuse the expression, humans, were very dependent on the vocal expression of their thoughts. So it was an unpleasant surprise to the ‘cons when Harry had gotten cursed to the degree that his voice just shut down. It had been one of those impossible scenarios - when everything was going well - too well to be true, and some fleshbag had the sheer audacity to attack their Harry! Thankfully, the assassination didn’t succeed, but his throat was definitely damaged and he was under strict orders not to speak for a week and a half at least.  
The house was curiously quiet without Harry’s voice- the ‘bots had kind of gotten used to it sounding from one or another corner or the cheerful humming when he was preparing food or snacks and a little bit off-key singing when he was in a shower. Though the last one was their guilty pleasure to hear and none of them had the spark to admit they were listening to him.  
The sound of his laughter. When he was serious. When he was happy. When he was sad or frustrated; they loved it all.  
But maybe, Starscream mused as he looked in Harry’s content eyes, the voice wasn’t so important when those green eyes expressed everything Harry felt so very clearly.

* * *

  
**_13) Try_ **

  
“I didn’t say you had to go along with my family - just _try_ it.” Harry eyed the mutinous ‘cons exasperatedly. Really, was that too much to ask?  
“But that bushy-hair had her calculations so totally wrong that even Unicron could cry – “ Starscream began,  
“I didn’t appreciate the matron’s forcing her yucky greasy dishes upon me – “Barricade continued,  
“And that French girl is stalking me.” Megatron concluded sulkily.  
Harry glared at the trio. “This is my family, so… Suck. It Up.” He rebuked the sulking cons before shooing them back to the tortur - ahem gathering.  
However, despite of his grumblings, he still placated incensed Hermione, ran interference with Molly and got Megatron to play the chess match with the youngest redheaded boy - Ronald was it?  
At the end of the day, the three bots found out that it hadn’t been such a huge catastrophe dealing with Harry’s family… especially when they found out that Harry counted them among the members.  
Still, they would love to be his closest, nearest and dearest family… But that was still work in progress.

* * *

  
**_14) Mood_ **

  
Interestingly enough, each of the ‘cons had their default moods, Harry noted. Barricade was usually quiet, enjoying the sounds of nature and playing his flute, even if he did play the part of the jock surprisingly well. Starscream was a snooty-nosed prima donna, always primping, always insisting on being perfect and easily pissed off, but nobody knew he was also deeply caring about kids, not minding playing in the sandbox much, and he loved the skies with passion that was similar to Harry’s own. Megatron was the hardest one to understand - he was brash, rude, cruel and seemingly there was no chink in his armor. Megatron didn’t care for many things, but he had a dry, quirky sense of humor and he loved strategy games. And despite being an evildoer, he was surprisingly fair in his dealings with the beings. But that side was buried deep within him and only recently did Harry managed to unearth a little bit of it from its rusted and darkened corner.  
Harry smiled as he watched the three of them sleep under the tree - so very different and yet strangely similar, snoozing under the warmth of the summer sun, seemingly without any care in the world.  
They were his, with all of their mercurial moods, good and bad sides, and Harry wouldn’t have it any other way.  
Silently, he leaned down between Megatron and Barricade, closing his eyes contentedly, not aware of the red eyes looking at him with a fond gleam in his depths.

* * *

  
_**15) Thestral** _

  
Barricade stared. The weird horse-like creature stared back. Harrumphing, Barricade turned away, only for the horse to do the same.  
Weird horse had been following him since three nights ago and Barricade didn’t have a clue why. He only took a little stroll in the night! Honest!  
“Go home, you nosy pest.” Barricade snarled at it, only for the weird horse to snarl back in a parody of a mocking smile, only those teeth were definitely not for grazing the grass. Its wings swished imperiously and the creature snorted mockingly, as if daring him to do anything.  
Barricade huffed.  
When he mentioned that to Harry the human blinked.  
“Oh.” He said, making Barricade gape at him. “It’s normal. That is a Thestral, only the ones who had seen someone die can see them.” Something in his casual explanation needled Barricade’s processor.  
“So you can see them too?” He asked slowly, suppressing a flinch when Harry simply nodded, his face solemn. “We were at war at that time. Death was unavoidable.” Harry explained shortly, and then left for the kitchen.  
*  
Still, when Barricade was the proud and a little bit bewildered owner of a young Thestral foal, Harry had willingly helped him to learn the ropes.  
Because, surprisingly enough, his Patronus turned out to be a Thestral.

* * *

  
**_16) Snake_ **

  
“You want your snakes to mate with his snake.” Luna’s offhand comment made all the three ‘cons blink.  
“I was not aware I owned any cold-blooded and legless reptile, and Harry doesn’t have snake either.” Megatron replied, confused. The three ‘bots had a tea party with the dreamy-eyed girl.  
Luna quirked her eyebrow as she eyed the three males in front of her dryly. .  
“The one between your legs doesn’t count?”  
Cue the three-way spit takes.

* * *

  
**_17) Mortified_ **

  
Innocent little Luna. Always with her head in the clouds, full of the weird creatures that may or may not exist in reality. The three wet ‘cons eyed her, mortified to their non-existent bones. Meanwhile, the culprit in question only took a sip of the tea, smiling angelically at the furiously blushing men.  
“Y-You don’t know what you are talking about!” Megatron finally managed to splutter out, his cheeks a fetching red.  
“On the contrary, I do.” Luna countered serenely. “You want to bake cookies, batter dip the corn dog, bury the one-eyed worm, walk the dog, put the snake in the cave, ride the wild bull, do the naughty, juice him, do the horizontal mambo” - here Starscream made a strange hurking sound in the back of his throat, “ – make a mattress dance, do the mommy-daddy dance, play doctor, glaze the donut, feed his kitty – “Barricade cautiously edged away from the crazy woman – “get your nuts cracked – “ Megatron winced and crossed his legs protectively . “- do the naked dance – “  
“Luna?” Harry’s voice floated on the air, making the poor ‘cons stiffen rigidly in their chairs. “What are you telling the poor sods?”  
The three ‘Cons wanted to offline permanently. That was just what they needed least, for Harry to hear this... filthy little litany on what they wanted to do to him.  
Luna smiled innocently at the approaching wizard.  
“Oh nothing, just educating them on some cultural references.”  
The trio deflated - neither of them knew whether it was from the sheer relief about not being found out, horror that they would have to go through it again just as soon as Harry was out of hearing reach, or the downright mortification of their deepest desires about doing the unmentionable things to Harry were being aired out so blatantly.

* * *

**_/To Be Continued/_ **


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Transformers. I just have fun with them. That's it.
> 
> Warnings: Beta-ed, courtesy of lovely Sewarea, appearance of poisonous fishes, Optimus' troubles and the Decepticons generally making mayhem out of Harry's life.

 

* * *

**_1)_ ** **_Wanderer_ **

It would come as a surprise to many who thought to know him, but nobody was more surprised than Harry himself.

After the war, he had been expected to settle down with a girl (cough-Ginny Weasley-cough), in a quaint, homey house with a white picket fence, a dog and a cat, along with mandatory 2.5 kids to raise in the blessed peace he had fought so hard for.

Instead of that, one Harry James Potter had gathered what little worldly possessions he had in an enchanted satchel, stashed in a little bit of money he still had from his vaults, and then set off to join the wind in its whimsical journeying across the world.

One evening, he was chattering with his friends; and the next, all that remained of his presence was a short notice and a disgruntled Hedwig moodily pecking at the plate of bacon on the desk in Hermione's kitchen.

As Harry reminisced later, becoming a wanderer for a time had been the best decision he ever made in his life.

* * *

**_2)_ ** **_Pet_ **

It purred. It snuggled. It curled around Harry's feet, sinuously twining between them with all the elegance of a domesticated cat, despite its sheer bulk; and making its annoyed owner sit right where he was, much to the Decepticons' amusement.

"Ravage…" Harry growled at his unrepentant, unusual, cat-shaped menace. "Stop being such a pet."

The metallic animal turned its head toward him, its orange-yellowish eyes staring at the green orbs for a long moment. Harry held his breath. _'Come on, come on, let me go already…'_ His mind chanted feverishly; only to be interrupted by a royally wide yawn that had shown him rows upon rows of diamond-sharp, metallic, teeth, like he was looking into the jaws of a shark.

Harry's heart sank with dismay as his bladder twanged a little more insistently for him to go to the toilet. If only his captor would deign to moving his Unicron-damned aft elsewhere…

Yawning done, Ravage's eyes flickered in an approximation of a blink before his head regally lowered back to its place as it resumed its purring, enjoying the squishy's invisible energy gently petting its chassis and loosening its protoform's pistons most pleasantly.

If that was what was being a pet like, then Ravage would be subscribing to such a life wholeheartedly from now on. Emitting another purr, it's cool glossa licked its' squishy's ankle making the squishy yelp at the feeling of cool slime upon the naked skin.

Yes, Ravage concluded, its little bit of heaven was right there and no amount of wheedling from its squishy would make it relinquish it.

The squishy should just suck it up and share the wealth.

* * *

**_3)_ ** **_Poker_ **

Harry glared at the cards he was currently holding in his hands. Why, oh _why_ , did he agree to teach the three of them how to play poker, of all things?

He shuffled on the plush black rug in front of the fireplace, the sound of fire mockingly cackling in his ears while the warmth was slyly pervading his body. He was clothed in loose T-shirt and ancient trousers with his socks balled in a careless ball beside his hip, letting his feet free to be tickled by the luxuriously silky expanse of the rug they touched.

It should've been easy as a pie. All of them were bored, and to avoid the blowup between Megatron and Starscream, with Barricade egging the two on, he had hurriedly offered them to teach them some card games to pass the time.

However, there wasn't much to do, what with the cards he had - Solitaire was out, Go Fish would be too dangerous, and he really only knew how to play poker like Sirius had taught him once.

He glared at the smug 'cons, all of them in different states of nudity. Barricade toted only his wife beater and socks, with his legs being twisted in a loose pretzel, not caring a whit about his naked lower half being exposed to anyone with eyes to see.

Starscream who rocked dark red button down shirt and nothing else, was cheerfully humming while lying on his stomach, the silk shirt being hiked up just enough to expose his flanks becomingly.

Conversely, Megatron was the most prim and proper out of the three of the 'losers'; but only barely, what with his skin tight briefs being made from black see-through mesh with violet band sitting low on his hips. Stretching lazily from his position on the side, the oldest 'con raised a mocking silver eyebrow at Harry's fuming face even as he bent his outer leg upward as to enhance his… sexual attributes.

And this… was the last nail in the coffin of Harry's patience, especially as he took one glance at the piles of discarded clothes the 'cons had strewn behind their backs.

"Alright, you bastards. Stop losing on purpose already!"

(He really, really shouldn't have taught them how to play Strip Poker.)

* * *

**_4)_ ** **_Seal_ **

The next health exam, as Harry predicted, was indeed a little bit… bothersome.

"Alright. Now drop the pants and bend over."

Contrarily to the belief, Wizards did indeed know the prostate exam, if only because some of the Muggleborn healers' insistence on adapting the Muggle check over methods to their normal body exam.

Normally that wouldn't be a bother, but with his recent acquisition…

Harry gulped.

Reluctantly, he loosened the drawstring of his boxers and shuffled them down to the ankles before he bent over the desk surface, praying that the event would be over and done with as soon as possible.

Instead, a profound silence rang in the office before his physician spoke slowly, as if in disbelief at what he saw.

"Mr. Potter, dare I ask why you have the newest Gringotts' seal tattooed on your ass?"

Harry wanted to bang his head against the desk hard enough to make himself unconscious. Instead he hid his flaming face in the crook of his right arm.

"Just do your job, okay?"

* * *

**_5)_ ** **_Apoplectic_ **

Vernon Dursley wasn't of a calmest temperament. This was a known fact to anyone - from Dursleys' neighbors, to his underlings, to accidental recipients of his fury.

And of course, the one that knew this the best, was one Harry James Potter, who was regularly on the irate side of his uncle's goodwill, so to speak.

If Vernon had thought he had been apoplectic when the little brat had blown his beloved sister Marge like an inflated balloon, that was nothing in comparison when said brat was driven to his house in a police car.

At least the policeman seemed to be an alright bloke - dark haired, tall and strict - and blessedly normal - the only fault with the guy was that he didn't handcuff the boy, Lord knew that the little brat deserved it, what with his shenanigans.

"BOY! What have you done this time!" His booming voice was heard all over the neighborhood, prompting more than a normal share of curious noses to poke behind the curtains from the nearby houses. "If you think I will pay to bail you out from whatever trouble you've found yourself in – "

"You are mistaken, mister Dursley." The cop interrupted him, smiling a cold, pleasant smile. Vernon suppressed his shiver at the cop's expression. "Harry here had done nothing wrong to deserve such an… _enthusiastic_ welcome." Black eyebrow lifted sardonically as Vernon flushed with shame.

"And why is that, officer?" Vernon forced himself to semi-politely bark out the inquiry.

"Because I am his boyfriend. Barry Cade at your service. Now, mind inviting us into your lovely house?"

Vernon's ruddy face lost its color, as if by magic, before it became even darker red than before.

_"BOOOOYY!"_

* * *

**_6)_ ** **_Downpour_ **

"I fucking _hate_ rain." Harry quirked his eyebrow a the vehemently spat out statement that preceded the Decepticons' second-in-command.

And lo and behold, here he was, hissing and spitting like a half-drowned cat.

Starscream 's originally silky, dark red hair was plastered to his skull, framing his pale face and dark red eyes in a study of contrasts, while the clothing clung to him like a second skin. The droplets were sluicing from his black leather jacket, creating a very nice puddle on the spot he was currently standing.

"How you humans ever tolerate this disgrace of a weather with your chassis, is a mystery to me." The Seeker hissed with disgust as he snatched the towel Harry had thrown him in the middle of his little rant out of the air.

Harry was quietly listening to the verbal abuse hailing from Starcream's mouth, his mouth curled in a small, amused smirk. For someone who took very frequent rain showers in the harshest of storms, Starscream's bitching about rain's adverse effects to his holoform were immensely amusing.

"You know, you could just dissolve your holoform." He said, his voice mild.

Starscream's harsh scalp scrubbing abruptly halted.

"I... _could?"_ He parroted, stumped.

A moment later, the wizard was witness to a violent twitch of a slender eyebrow and one particularly vehement curse before Starscream's form folded within itself and blinked out of the existence, appearing a moment later, this time dry as a desert.

"And you couldn't tell me that before I got wet like a drowned, cheese-loving mammal?" Starscream eyed him accusingly, and finally, Harry couldn't hold his laughter back, prompting a reluctant twitch of the holoform's mouth, before the 'con kissed him.

* * *

**_7)_ ** **_Wave_ **

"Why are we even here?" Barricade would never, ever, even under the harshest of tortures admit, but he was seriously close to whining. "The weather is bad, scenery is nothing special and I have to wear both the blindfold and earmuffs.

Gingerly, he followed his guide, his hand gripping Harry's shoulder with a bruising force, making the wizard wince at the pain.

But, Harry had high hopes, that his surprise will be something to remember. He didn't arrange for the international Portkey and the sneaking together for nothing... hopefully.

Smiling, he turned toward Barricade. The 'Con was in his holoform, black hair half-messy and his lips tugged down in a half-sulk. He was clothed in dark green light jacket with faded dark grey jeans and trainers on his feet. He looked like runway model, even in such simple clothes, and Harry was sincerely glad he though to bring them to this place.

 _'This place'_ was a plaza, made from white stone, descending into the stairs that were connecting the land with the sea.

He had found this place in his worldwide wanderings; and it enchanted him with its simplicity and uniqueness.

And now, he wanted to share it with Barricade.

Smiling, he raised his hands, placing them on Barricade's headphones and removed them. The hologram's lips opened to deliver another diatribe, but froze in the middle of the movement as the sound sneaked into his ears.

Waves and….

Organ?

The sound was both harmonic and dissonant at the same time, entangling, overlapping, and parting, making the Barricade's processor race as he attempted to decipher the rhyme and reason for this unusual melody.

"What - what is this?" He breathed out, as if afraid that if he spoke any louder the strange harmony would vanish in the air, like a mirage.

Distantly, he heard Harry chuckle in amusement;and then, the blindfold was slipped from his eyes, and pink, gold and pale blue entered his eyes, along with the dull gray, almost black, glitter of the sea.

They were standing on the seashore - but a seashore that likened to the one at Iacon, elegant in it's simplicity, only smaller in scale, along with a being made out of … marble stone?

The waves came again, and the melody was …

_There!_

The waves retreated and came again, making melody surge onward gently; the tones making for a colorful, yet peaceful cradle made of sounds of air and sea.

"What kind of magic is this?" Harry had to smile at Barricade's breathless wonder, as his red eyes looked over the place hungrily, as if it alone would betray its secrets.

"A human one." Gently taking Barricade's hand in his, he led him to the stairs. "After the war, I had to get away from them." He didn't need to elaborate who 'them' were. "I wanted to see the world, and this was my third traveling destination. One of the travelers I met in Rome recommended to me to visit this place, and having nothing to do at the time, I heeded her advice."

Garnet eyes narrowed at him, and Harry resisted a chuckle. "She was a fellow traveler I met one night at dinner. Nothing more, nothing less."

Barricade relaxed. "Where are we?" He asked gruffly, not wanting to admit to the pangs of jealously.

"Zadar, Croatia. The town who harbors sea organ - the only instrument in the world made by human hands, but can only be played by the sea."

Barricade's mouth slackened with surprise. "This - It's played by the sea?" He asked, surprised. But in the back of his processor, he already believed that – but how? How could those squishies, those humans – make something so - so -

He couldn't find the words.

_'Magical?'_

That would do.

Green eyes glistened in the morning lights as Harry looked at the sea. "Humankind is a study of contrasts. We can invent the most destructive of weapons, and in the same breath, we can create something like… This." He shrugged helplessly as the sea breeze ruffled his hair. "In comparison with you, we are not even infants, and our lives are extremely short. But that doesn't mean we can't appreciate or create beauty."

Barricade looked at the wizard beside him with new eyes.

Harry was right. Until now, Barricade only saw the humans' potential for destruction - their devastation of rainforest, their extinction of the entire species, pollution of the air with the carbon dioxide and the other gases, pollution of the space, even, with their 'explorations'. But at the same time, this infantile race had create this marvel they were currently standing on and listening to its melody.

Not that it meant Barricade would change his opinions about squishies any sooner than before - it just meant that he discovered another facet of their species as a whole.

And maybe - just _maybe_ – Barricade admitted, if only to himself - it was worth letting them live.

* * *

**_8)_ ** **_Blessing_ **

_"'Til All Are One."_

That strange phrase echoed in Megatron's processor as he witnessed the burial of one Andromeda Tonks nee Black.

It was strange, for the Autobot mantra to be used in the ceremony; but when he asked the bushy-haired friend of Harry's about it, she only eyed him weirdly, before giving him a shortened version on the burials in Wizarding World.

It still boggled Megatron's processor that the squishies had so many religions - from the ones relatively innocent, to the kind that demanded live sacrifices and blood for the deceased to be satisfied and move on to the other world – Avalon, Heaven, Valhalla - whatever the humans' version of ascending back to the Source was.

Once, he had asked Harry what was his kind of heaven, but got back only a wry smile and dull stare in return.

"Railway station." Harry's cryptic answer bothered him for some reason.

Railway stations were some of the busiest, noisiest places, and Harry wasn't the one to enjoy them – to Megatron, they sooner looked like Harry's version of Hell than his own personalized bit of Heaven.

He knew about the Pit and the Well of the Sparks - Cybertronian versions of Hell and Heaven, but he never really pondered what dying really means. Sure, he delivered death with a steady hand, gutting sparks left and right in his golden old days, but he never felt much guilt about it. They were his opponents and he was stronger than his adversaries had been. His allies… well, they died, and that was that.

He couldn't comprehend the kind of courage that had driven his own little human to confront his greatest foe and allow him to kill him, no matter how temporary the death was.

He couldn't bear those emerald eyes dull with pain and helplessness and just stand beside him, unable to do anything to alleviate his pain. Something lanced uncomfortably across his spark and chest of his holoform simultaneously as he gathered the silent young man within his arms and swearing - if only to himself, Primus and Unicron – that he would be here for him, come what may…

_…'Til All Are One._

* * *

**_9)_ ** **_Gopher_ **

If anyone would've told Megatron, before he had crashed on the mudball of a planet called Earth, that one day in future, her would be acting as a gopher to a squishy organic of all things, he would be liable to kill them. But not before torturing them for as long as their frames would be able to withstand the horrific abuse heaped upon them.

Nowadays, it only took a single pair of particularly green eyes and he was off to do whatever errand they bid him in a jiffy.

Of course, that went double for one particular Mrs. Witwicky.

The old femme squi - _dame -_ had a very grand ball with having Megatron as her personal bag-boy on her pre-Christmas shopping expedition from Hell.

* * *

**_10)_ ** **_Cont(r)act_ **

"Wha – " Optimus' optics stared at the damning piece of paper, willing it to either spontaneously combust or disappear somehow, so that the words on the strange surface - parchment, as Mikaela informed him - would be void.

_"No refunds! To return the peace gift is an insult. She's your problem now." [Article 7, subspace XI-b]_

The Autobot leader groaned, refusing to bang his helm at the nearest hard surface available.

Damn it. He just _knew_ that paperwork would someday come around and bite his sorry aft –

-but did it _have_ to be in the shape of a peacemaking contract with those glitched Decepticons, of all things?

Don't get him wrong, he loved peace, _adored_ it, even –

"Oh darling!" The energon in Prime's valves froze in a jiffy at that particular cooing sound interrupting his thinking - read: whining - processes.

 _'Oh, no.'_ He thought to himself, panicking, before quickly transforming himself into his alt form, just in time to hide from she-bi - ahem, she-witch.

Not that it saved him from her curious pawing at his interior's upholstery.

Of course, that day the base inhabitants learned to studiously ignore the squeaks, whistles, cracks, squeals and whatever other sounds may have come from the room of Autobots' erstwhile leader.

Similarly, Optimus' increasingly desperate com messages/pleads to his subordinates were not realized.

In Ratchet's immortal words: "It's for the greater good, Optimus. Suck it up and be a mech."

* * *

**_11)_ ** **_Information_ **

Information. Bread and butter of any living species that wanted the right to consider themselves living in a civilized society. And of course, this just had to be a crux of trouble for one very disgruntled Starscream, much to Hermione's smug satisfaction.

It was ridiculously easy to trap the increasingly irritated mech in a flood of verbal legalese that had no tail nor head to speak of.

But on the other side, Starscream got his kicks out of Barricade presenting Hermione yet another parking ticket… like right now. He settled on the couch, content to watch the fireworks.

Hermione glared at Barricade. "Are you trying to _stalk_ me?" She hissed, her hair poofy like a ruffled cat's fur.

Dark eyebrow quirked at the fuming bushy-haired witch.

"I was not even close to that disaster you call your latest parking attempt." Barricade replied drolly, nonchalant in his dark red T-shirt and black baggy trousers, a complete opposite to Hermione's neat business suit.

"Ah-hah! So you _were_ stalking me!" Hermione crowed triumphantly, pointing at him with her pointer finger accusingly. "And because stalking is illegal, you had no _right_ in fining me for the seventh time this month!"

"Hermione. It's called acquiring the information through legal sources." Barricade sighed, as if scolding a very unruly sparkling. "It's not my fault that you're driving leaves a lot to be desired. In fact, congratulations. You've became a learning example for the newbies to identify all the wrong ways on how to park a vehicle."

Starscream grinned. Oh, this was comedy _gold._

"Y-You have no proof!" Hermione blustered, her eyes wide and cheeks red with mortification at the backhanded insult Barricade just dished out.

Barricade eyed her flatly.

"Two words, Granger. _You. Tube_."

* * *

**_12)_ ** **_Dawn_ **

The one habit that the 'Cons acquired after they successfully managed to hog Harry for themselves was to get used to getting online/waking up at ungodly early hours. When their squishy had somehow managed to escape their clutches and they had to hunt him down; usually finding him on the front porch of their house, staring at the dawning horizon.

It was already a small ritual they had going.

As soon as they detected the absence of their wizard, Megatron would pick up the blanket; Barricade would fish a pair of warm socks out of the drawer; while Starscream would brew a mug of hot chocolate.

Then, they would silently sneak down to the porch, where Harry was sitting, a shade of dim lights and shadows in the half-darkness.

Mutely, Megatron would bundle Harry in the blanket, placing him in his lap as he sat down, while Barricade would put the socks on Harry's ice-cold feet. Only then, Starscream would silently offer the wizard a cup of hot chocolate, getting a small, but grateful smile in return, before all of them would settle down and wait for the dawn to greet them with its splendor.

Secretly, Harry would have to admit, that this little habit was quickly becoming his favorite part of the morning.

* * *

**_13)_ ** **_Logical_ **

Wizards were, much to the 'cons amusement, very little on a logical side of the life. Of course, they had laws and rules; but overall, their society was a mish-mash of chaos and disorder everywhere they looked, a complete opposite to their Muggle counterparts.

Which was just as well, as the 'cons always reveled in chaos and disorder.

In fact, Starscream had a grand time posing as an up-and-coming fashionista, sneakily introducing the old fogeys to the wonders of the modern fashion, courtesy of the old battle-axe of a lady Longbottom.

But he could deal without the groping of his aft the aforementioned lady had done to his fine posterior, thank you very much.

* * *

**_14)_ ** **_Envy_ **

One Samuel James Witwicky never thought that he would've felt envy of all emotions, about Decepticons. More accurately, he envied Harry for his carefree life and seemingly effortless command of the bunch of 'bots who had very nearly managed to kill him in their first chase-down of Allspark.

Case in point – that freaking dinner he had to attend - on Luna's insistence, mind you - with Megatron of all people.

And even if he didn't want to admit it, the 'Cons definitely had much cooler alt modes than Autobots.

However, when Harry offered him _'Swap-a-Cybertronian'_ day, he vehemently refused.

No freaking way. He still dearly loved his life, thank you very much.

(Besides, 'Bee's hurt puppy-dog optics look was positively _lethal_.)

* * *

**_15)_ ** **_Fire_ **

_"Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."_

Megatron looked disturbingly interested in that little quote.

"Hey. Does that mean we can make a… _fiery_ gift for those Dursley meatbags?"

He was gifted with Harry's flat stare.

"Megatron. Just. _No._ And next time, please do check more references than just that urban dictionary of yours."

/*/

Next evening there was a report about mysterious gas leak at the Number 4 Privet Drive, Surrey.

Harry glared at the Decepticon leader with a suspicious glint in his eyes.

"It wasn't me - besides, you didn't say that their lodgings were an exception to the rule."

Harry eyed him, nonplussed. "You _do_ realize that as their immediate family, I will have to lodge them for the foreseeable future?"

Barricade, who up until them wore a smug smirk, now had a positively unholy one on his lips.

" _Ahh._ We will…. _Fire_ them up, won't we, Starscream?" He purred, as he crackled his neck.

"Of course. We do owe them a very _warm_ welcome, after all."

Harry eyed the trio and then sighed, curling back against Barricade, who was his designated cuddler for the night.

"I was afraid you would say that."

(Unknown to the quartet, the Dursley family got really unpleasant shivers running down their back for some reason when they were waiting for the train to get to their no-good nephew's lodgings.)

* * *

**_16)_ ** **_Sushi_ **

Their cultural experiences varied - from finding out about makeup, to the bizarre clothing choices, but one that was the most memorable out of the lot was of course their dinner in a sushi restaurant.

In fact, it was fairly simple ordeal. They went in, ordered sushi, Starscream freaked out because the fish was raw, but aside that minor setback, they ate it and agreed the fish was delicious.

They were sitting in their booth, sipping the sake and conversing about everything and nothing. But of course, like dastardly Deceptions they were, they were also subtly trying to get Harry to ditch the useless red-haired hanger-on of his, aka one Ginny Weasley.

They had snuck out from the Weasley house and went into the Muggle world for a time. Seeking peace from the Mrs. Weasley formidable lung power and overall to have some peace from the mess and noisiness that was Weasley household in the throes of frenetic preparations for Hermione's and Ron's wedding.

Suddenly, the restaurant owner stumbled in front of them, pale and shaking.

Megatron glared at the squishy that interrupted him, but the squishy, aside from a flinch, didn't react.

"Are you feeling well, sirs?" The man asked, making them blink with confusion.

"Yeah, why wouldn't we be?" Harry asked, concerned. "Besides, the sushi was really excellent." He smiled at the owner, who was now on the verge of fainting.

"No - I must apologize. It appears there was a mix up of the orders, and you accidentally got sashimi. For that, I am very sorry." The owner bowed, making Megatron's eyes narrow in anger.

"But aside from that – no dizziness? Headache? Nausea? Are you breathing normally?"

Now those questions just didn't make sense. The Cybertronians' holograms bristled in annoyance.

"Yeah we are, what of it?" Barricade snapped, his patience wearing thin. The restaurant owner eyed him, both awed and terrified.

"Because what you've just eaten was a _fugu_ fish…I am sorry!" He began bowing again. Harry tilted his head, confused. But fish was a fish… wasn't it? He didn't know why the restaurant owner was making such a fuss about eating one tiny little fish, even if it was raw one, if one would search for any flaws in the dish.

"Stop bowing already – it was just a fish anyhow!" Starscream growled out. "I admit, it wasn't cut to my standards – "

"What, you have standards _now?"_ Harry snarked at him, smirking, but Starscream ignored him with ease of long practice.

"- but overall, it was… _delicious_." The last word, Starscream got out as if it physically pained him to admit it that something raw and pink could be so delicious.

"I-I regret to inform you, but you've just eaten a butchered up _fugu_ fish. You should be dead right now."

Starscream's eyes bugged out at the information.

"You got us eating a _poison!?_ " He shrieked at the cringing restaurant owner, standing up so fast he toppled his chair.

"Or an equivalent thereof." Barricade was now as pale as a paper sheet as he accessed the information on the internet. "But we are still alright - Harry, how do you feel?" He turned to the confused wizard.

"I am okay, why do you ask?" Harry replied, still confused.

Megatron swallowed. "Apparently that sushi was in fact a sashimi, and not only that, but a _fugu_ sashimi that was incorrectly prepared. _Fugu_ is also known as a pufferfish, and if it's prepared wrongly it's extremely poisonous. You know what we are, but you are a…." He trailed off.

Now it was Harry's turn to blanch. "Crap. Hermione is gonna kill me."

/*/

They got a lifetime allowance to eat at that particular restaurant and to the robots' surprise, Harry didn't exhibit any worse signs than being a little paler than usual.

"Why are you still alive?" Barricade whispered, as they came back to Harry's house."

Harry flashed him a wry smile. "I am pretty hard to kill. Besides, if a thousand –years old basilisk couldn't get me, then one tiny little bit of fish doesn't stand a chance."

"Hermione apparently does." Starscream's amused comment made their wizard groan as he covered his eyes in embarrassment.

"Apparently." Harry agreed, with a rueful smile on his face.

The Decepticons didn't know why Hermione scared the shit out of their squishy more than one itty bitty, if poisonous, fish; there had to be a mighty good reason behind that kind of irrational fear.

/*/

Later on, the restaurant they visited, _Dancing Dragon_ , became famous for their chefs that had the lowest mortality rate out of the _fugu_ -licensed restaurants - if only because Starscream, Megatron, Barricade and Harry always complained that the dish wasn't _'delicious'_ enough for some reason –

To put it bluntly, the most delicious _fugu_ sashimi for them was the one that was poisoned up to its proverbial gills.

(Their chefs were considered graduates when the unusual quartet consistently complained that the _fugu_ sashimi wasn't as delicious as usual. In fact, the grateful owner paid them a hefty amount of money for their 'services', which made Gringotts one very happy bank.)

* * *

**_/To Be Continued/_ **


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own neither Harry Potter nor Transformers. Shame, I know. I do own this story, though.
> 
> Shout Out: Bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed, spankin' brand new chapter, courtesy of little old me and lovely Sewarea, who kindly offered to beta the stuff. Thanks to her, this chapter turned out way better than it had been when I kicked it out to her at the unholy hour of 3AM.
> 
> Warnings: AU-verse, ROTF-spoilers, more serious topics. Oh, and of course, Harry still has his 'cons. And maybe some breaking of the fourth wall...
> 
> Dictionary: 'Holy heterodyne' - Cybertronian approximation for 'holy cow'.

 

* * *

**_1)_ ** **_Repair_ **

_"_ _Ouch!_ _"_

Harry turned to the source of the yelp, his eyebrows rising as he saw Barricade glaring at the pointer finger of his left hand. The fingernail on it was just shy of being hacked off from its support, and Harry stared blandly at the amount of blood flowing from the injury.

"Barricade, how many times have I told you to tuck your fingers in _before_ you begin chopping vegetables?" He asked, his voice the picture of long-suffering exasperation.

"Three hundred and one." Barricarde responded, still glaring at the offending appendage, not really affected by Harry's own glare at his person.

Harry just sighed. Really, for a more than a millennia old mech, Barricade was incredibly clumsy when it came to working in the kitchen. He already lost count of the times Barricade either banged his fingers with the meat tenderizer, or made - just like now - pretty deep cuts in the ends just because he was too stubborn to heed Harry's warnings about _not_ sticking the nails directly into the path of the blade. The green-eyed wizard was pretty tempted to pull a Snape and kick the nuisance out of his sacred place - but every time he attempted to do it, Barricade somehow pulled that puppy-dog-eyed look and convinced him he would do better next time, honest to Primus.

"Wash the blood off, I will get the gauze and bandages." He muttered and went for the First Aid kit, absentmindedly noting that he would have to restock on the aforementioned items very soon.

Barricade offered him the appendage, watching his squishy looking at it, his mouth frowning in disapproval before gently placing the gauze on the wound and then wrapping the bandage around with expert ease. Harry's fingers were short-nailed, slightly stocky, with numerous calluses and nicks. a testament to his work both in the kitchen and the potions' classroom, a veritable opposite of his own long, pale, slender fingers with smooth finger pads. Not that Barricade cared about it much - they weren't his servos and the pain was negligible.

Especially against Harry's care and that strange energy that wafted around him like some kind of an invisible cloak, quietly converging on Barricade's wounded finger, making him light-headed and all kinds of goofy-feeling.

Oh yeah. It was _soo_ worth damaging his fingers to get his fix this way.

* * *

**_2)_ ** **_E-rank_ **

He always had a piss-poor luck when it came to the question of staying out of trouble. Right now, the situation he was in, was one of the best - or maybe worst - examples.

"You, squishy. What are you?"

Currently he was in the palm - claws, really - of some really spiky, red-evil-eyed being with an extremely Dark Lord-ish voice. Harry wrinkled his nose at the stench that wafted from the being's 'mouth'.

"Ew. Have you ever heard of mouthwash?"

Red optics narrowed further, outright glaring, and if looks could kill, this… Daddy Decepticon would have killed one Harry James Potter with his laser eyes in a jiffy.

Much to Harry's luck – or maybe misfortune – Decepticon Daddy-O didn't have the aforementioned instruments of doom, but that didn't mean Harry didn't suffer a severely bruised or maybe even broken rib. Or two.

Seriously, sitting on the fragging cold servo in some crappy hidey-hole of doom was not how Harry wanted to spend his Decepticon-free holidays!

Inwardly, Harry grimaced.

Curse his E-rank luck. Curse it.

* * *

**3)** **_Sightless_ **

If there was any kind of damage Starscream was deathly afraid of, it was of him losing his vision. Of course, he still had his sensors, and optical vision was the bells and whistles, so to speak, but sight was the one thing, besides his wings, that made it worthof being in the sky.

But when his last sight was of Harry helplessly dangling from Fallen's claws, with his visual cortex processor being in a blaze of pain and multiple messages of _errorerrorerror_ –

\- he stumbled back on his peds as soon as he could; his audio processors full of the shrieks of battle and frayed metal pieces scrapping one against another. His back was a mass of bent and crumpled metal, his right arm hanging from his shoulder to the ground, only held to his frame with barest scraps of cables and exoskeleton remains -

\- this memory would haunt him for as long as he would live.

* * *

**_4)_ ** **_Negotiation_ **

The negotiation between the Decepticons and Autobots - namely Megatron, Barricade and Starscream and their owner, one disgruntled-looking Harry James Potter who was being groomed by one very persistent Ravage; The opposite side had a long-suffering Optimus Prime with his 'peace gift' Fleur Delacour cooing at him and snuggling at the leg of his form; one twitchy Sam Witwicky with his guardian 'bee; along with Ratchet, whose right servo was twitching alarmingly often for the biggest wrench in his collection; and Ironhide pouting because use of cannons was not classified as a diplomatic language, it would be safe to say that it was going nowhere fast.

Until, of course, Galloway barged into the room.

Negotiations may have failed, but mutual venting of frustrations on the stupid fleshbag that thought himself a being superior to several millennia old mechanical forms; one magic-wielding savior of England and one Allspark holder went a long way to finding a mutual language… or at least a kind of a mutual stress relief.

* * *

**_5)_ ** **_Pruning_ **

Meggie Mayweather. A very famous name in the horticulture circles, mainly because of her ingenious making of bonsais. Alas, nobody knew where to find the elusive lady to interviewing her about her methods of pruning.

Neville sighed, his eyes were glued on the latest picture of a cypress bonsai with all the attention of a lovesick teenager. The branches were masterfully done, stretching in the air modestly like a shy maiden expecting to be embraced by her lover for the first time. The pines were a healthy shade of viridian and the trunk – oh, the trunk was like a glistening river of brown bark –

"Neville?" Harry prodded him. "Are you alright?"

Neville blinked. "Oh… Yes, I am okay!" He hurried to reassure his friend. "It's just… I really want to meet with Miss Mayweather." Harry had visited him to pick up some seeds for one of his friends and of course, like any true blue Englishmen, they couldn't do business without tea. Only, Neville was a bit preoccupied to talk, what with his infatuation with certain rising star in bonsai raising.

Harry watched Neville blush very fetchingly - his cheeks changed its color from the faintest rose to an infatuated red. Somehow, he had a feeling that this won't end well for some reason.

"Mayweather?" He queried as he brought the cup of tea to his lips.

Neville nodded, obviously back in his la-la land. "Yeah, Meggie Mayweather. She is _the_ authority in the field of making bonsais!"

Harry's taken aback intake of air forced him into a coughing fit. "But this is - _cough_ \- just some pruning work – Moreover, she is an amateur and - "

Neville's usually mild eyes flared with outrage. "Don't you dare diss my Pruning Goddess! Or so help me Merlin, I will find the dullest pruning shears ever and prune your dangly bits!"

Savior of Wizarding World or not, Harry quickly crossed his legs to hide his jeans-clothed bits from the enraged botanist and squeaked out a very meek apology.

Note: Never, ever get between Neville and his admiration of certain Miss's pruning skills.

Note two: Never, _ever_ mention to Neville that a certain Miss Meggie could be a man.

* * *

**_6)_ ** **_Temple_ **

Wizards and witches that visited Gringotts, reported about a strange phenomenon. Business went on as usual, of course not so well on the side that was manned by a certain Decepticon – but we digress. Thing was, above the teller's booths, there was a strange replica of violet sign in the shape of stylized face of a fox with two wrinkles on its forehead and wearing some kind of a small crown his head, with two additional triangles on the left and right side of its face.

But the weirdest thing was the prayers that the wrinkly, perpetually grumpy little beings were uttering to the sign

" - And deliver us Your most horrifying sneer –"

"So mote it be."

"Teach us Your ways of terror to win over our enemies."

"So mote it be."

"Teach us Your divine skill with metals – "

"So mote it be."

"Let our offspring kneel before Your magnificence – "

"So mote it be."

"Multiply the wealth of our coffers – "

"So mote it be."

"O Great one, God of Metal and the most Divine One of sneers – "

"We thank you for your merciful providence."

Wait. Since when did Goblins have a religion?

The bank hall was more reminiscent of a temple right now, with the goblins still doing their usual work, but with an impression of very devoted believers, barely minding the wizards coming in and out.

Well, stranger things have happened in the Wizarding World, so never mind the Goblins.

What the Wizards didn't know, was that the Goblins were building life-sized replica of their god's form just under their nose - literally - heavily supported by their own purses.

Let the foolish wand-wavers have their Merlin, Goblins knew that Megatron was the better deal.

(Griphook was the first priest of this new religion and of course the one to teach the next generations of the little Goblins _The Sneer_. After all, who better to teach it than the one who was directly exposed to it?)

* * *

**_7)_ ** **_Multifaceted_ **

Harry never thought that Decepticons were dangerous. Yes, technically he knew that Megatron, Barricade and Starscream were no harmless, newborn puppies, but to stare eye to eye the horror the Decepticons wrecked - their disregard of just-born lives, the violence, pain and agony they inflicted on each other, like dogs eating dogs, the strong abusing the weaker ones –

It made him sick. He wondered if Megatron and his two cohorts were the same. Would they have been the same if it weren't for him interfering in their business… and somehow surviving the encounters with them.

The Fallen was not a kind mech. He was a monster, eclipsing Voldemort in his cruelty and malevolence. While Megatron learned to tolerate the squishies, the Fallen outright hated them with the darkest and deepest core of his processor.

His plan - crazy as it was - of using the Harvester to destroy the Earth's Sun to revive new legions of Decepticons and finally wipe out the Autobots before continuing their conquest of the universe – would plunge Earth into eternal darkness.

Harry himself was tired - tired because somehow, the Fallen had found out that magic could be an impressive supplement to whatever he had been trying to revive himself with, and as a result, the wizard was continually drained of it.

It was the worst feeling ever, being held against the Deception's core and forced to touch it, with the Fallen's core greedily swallowing magic into itself. To make the matters even worse, Fallen apparently experienced this large boost as some kind of a sexual recharge!

It was like having pain continually claw through his body while held under Cruciatus. Harry's own magic was reluctant to part from him, but it had to, in order to keep the wizard alive.

Harry swallowed. He felt dirty - his magic felt used and abused in the worst of ways, violated to the deepest corners of his being.

When he spotted a familiar spiky form kneeling at the Fallen's feet, his heart jumped into his throat with hope and dread.

"What's thy bidding, my Master?"

Megatron's voice echoed in the dreary chamber, while its owner sported a bloodthirsty smirk on his faceplates.

And Harry's spirit shattered.

* * *

**_8)_ ** **_Viridian  
_ **

Dull viridian eyes stared out through the window. It had been a week since the mess that was Fallen's attempt to harvest the Sun.

Ravage had suffered damage under friendly fire, Starscream's optic sensors were also damaged, along with his wings, to the degree that it made Ratchet actually speechless with the extent of it, while Barricade came out more or less whole. Not that it meant anything because Frenzy, his Casseticon, was offlined in Gaza's little skirmish.

Ironically enough, Megatron came out with almost no damage to report. He had personally offlined some of the Fallen's more zealous supporters - he particularly relished crushing Scalpel for his threat to dissect Harry, but his greatest battle was against Devastator and nearly gave Simmons and his little crew of fugitives a collective heart attack.

The house was quiet - quieter than it had been when Harry had chosen it for his home. Most of time, Harry had spent in his room, curled against Ravage, listening to its broken purrs. Starscream was still under Ratchet's watch, what with the extensive repairs he was undergoing, and Barricade had, predictably, barricaded himself in his own room. His alt form was silent like a grave, not even moving from the garage or responding to any calls or messages, some even from Hermione, who was increasingly paranoid, and then worried when didn't she receive a single penalty ticket that month.

Megatron was alone. Despite him being a turncoat at the last possible moment, Autobots still took custody over him, disabling his weapons and keeping him in their base in the middle of the desert. It was strange to see once proud and bloodthirsty leader of Decepticons so silent and broken - despite having almost no serious physical damage to his form, it was clear as a day that he was emotionally wrecked.

In his memory files, there was an endless loop of the Fallen taking Harry's energy - _magic_ \- for himself - and Harry's stricken look when Megatron's dearest one saw him kneeling in front of the monster he had, once upon the time, called Master.

He, to whom betrayal was butter and bread, so to speak, was wracked with guilt for breaking the spirit of the organic whose life span was not even a blink against his own.

* * *

**9)** **_Spring_ **

"Ah- _hah_ \- achoo!" A tremendous sneeze shook the Seeker's frame, making the F-15 shudder comically on the runway as he waited for his pilot to arrive.

The day was bright and sunny, one of the better days in March, considering the miserable weather dear old England seemed to be cursed with for the longest time. And with the weather finally being in its prime condition, of course someone's wings began to itch to savor the infinite freedom of the skies.

Sadly –

"Ah- ** _Chooo!_** " The wind blew past, and this time, the F-15's frame honest to Primus jumped in the air with the sneeze to end all of the sneezes.

The wind blew past F-15 teasingly, carrying along tiny yellow dust.

"F-Fragging pollen – _hachoo!_ _"_ The jet groused out, somehow managing to cringe under the gentle onslaught of breeze.

"What's up with him?" Green eyes looked at the miserable Seeker, concerned. The otherworldly, silver jet behind Harry's back emitted a deep, raspy chuckle as its nose seemingly nuzzled the fragile organic form of its 'owner'.

"Oh, nothing much. He's just…how did you squishies put it... having a disagreement with some elements of spring." Megatron purred out mirthfully, and if looks could kill, Starscream would've killed him a dozen times over.

Who knew that the mighty SIC of Decepticon would be so easily foiled by one tiny, itty bitty pollen allergy?

(Starscream's holoform wasn't excluded from his suffering, either. For some reason, his nose was swollen and drippy and his eyes were bloodshot with the sneezing he had been forced to endure…All The Fragging Time.

If he saw one more slagging flower, it would be too soon.)

* * *

**_10)_ ** **_Inspiration_ **

"Thank you for your patronage, Lord Megatron." The elder Goblin bowed lowly in front of Megatron, who was nonchalantly sitting in his own seat as if it were a throne. Dark red, half-lidded eyes glinted in the light disinterestedly. As much fun as it was to haggle with the dumb Wizards and practically rob them of of their valuables (it was unbelievably easy to exploit their lack knowledge of their own laws), that proverbial song and dance slowly lost its challenge. Even that meaty red-haired fleshbag who dreamed himself to be good in chess wasn't entertaining anymore.

And Megatron found himself in an unenviable position of being bored.

Oh, the horrors.

"Profit is profit." He droned out, stretching his form and dearly wishing to just get out of this stifling place and maybe bait the Autoslags into a chase or two. He still owed Ironhide a bout or two because the fragging mech managed to scuffle his chassis on Praxis 7.

A timid cough brought him back from his revenge-filled musings.

"Speak up." He bit out as he glared at the cowering form in front of him.

"Lord Megatron, if I may…" The Goblin quailed under the glare of those merciless red eyes. They simply weren't human, no matter how good the holoform was at mimicking humanoid forms. The wizards may have been fooled by it, but not the Goblins. Never Goblins.

"WewouldlikeyoutoteachusTheSneer!" The Goblin babbled out.

What?

Megatron blinked.

"You would like me to do _what?_ _"_ He asked dangerously, as he leaned forward, making the main Goblin and his entourage flinch back as he bared his teeth at them.

"The Sneer! The Sneer! We want you to teach us The Sneer, mighty Megatron!" The head Goblin squeaked out hurriedly.

Megatron's face froze.

"Of all the thing you ask…" _'…_ _you ask for the most useless one?_ ' Megatron continued in his own mind, baffled. The Goblins could've asked for the most advanced mining techniques, how to fuse metals into superior alloys - and they ask him to teach them how to sneer properly?

Slowly, he leaned back.

Those silly little beings.

"Give me 70 percent of all of your revenues and I will." He spoke out, making the head Goblin's jaw drop with sheer horror.

"B-But _my Lord!_ _"_ The being practically wailed with despair.

Megatron only looked at the fleshbag with disinterest.

He was a _Decepticon_ , for crying out loud. Did they really think that he would just teach them out of goodness of his spark?

He sneered at the thought.

Immediately, previously horror-struck visage of the head Goblin changed into a star- struck one - and was he drooling?

"You are indeed a supreme being." The Goblin practically simpered at him, making Megatron stiffen and glare.

It was hard enough when those human squishies called fangirls besieged his person, but goblins too?

Oh, Pit, _no._ No way.

Quickly, he schooled his face into an expressionless mask as he glared at the Goblin in charge, making it snap out of its daze.

"Well?" He snapped, red eyes narrowed at the unfortunate green being that he sorely wished to use as a target practice for his plasma cannon.

The Goblin bowed.

"Thy will shall be done, Lord and Master Megatron." He enunciated reverently.

And with that, one High Lord Megatron from the planet Cybertron and property of Harry James Potter became the owner of the Gringotts Bank and part-time teacher for the Sneer Class which later on had evolved into the full-on religion.

* * *

**11)** **_Walkdown_ **

Walkdown was a pain in the ass. Barricade growled angrily when he, once again, bumped into the too low ceiling. This time, even magic couldn't help him any. The Burrow was already an horror of architecture all by itself and Barricade had no doubt that RedAlert would have at least six separate spark attacks when perusing the impossible structure of the building that somehow managed to defy all manners of sense and gravity.

"Fragging excuse for a building - _ow!_ _"_ He swore as his head bumped into the uneven ceiling once again. Whoever had built that excuse for a walkdown better be grateful to Primus they were already dead because Barricade would have shown them, only too happily, the errors of their way on making such a low walkdown.

The things he was doing to get apple vinegar for Harry's salad…

But next time, he swore he would win that slagging paper-rock-scissors game against Megatron at all costs.

He was a Decepticon and really, Megatron would do just fine with some bumps on his head for hoarding Harry to himself.

(He wasn't petty. Really, he wasn't. )

_"_ _Ouch!_ _"_

An invisible crosshair on Barricade's holoform became bigger.

… If he wouldn't demolish the sorry building first.

* * *

**_12)_ ** **_Fanfic_ **

"How did they _know?_ " Harry's horrified question zeroed the attention of his three' bots on him as surely as if he were targeted by laser-led torpedoes.

"How did who know what?" Starscream looked from his sketching book, as he quirked his eyebrow in askance. Currently, all four of them were at home, relaxing and just enjoying the peace. Harry was currently sitting on the couch near Starscream, while Megatron and Barricade were sitting behind the club table a little bit further away.

"About us!" Harry spluttered out as he slammed his laptop close, his cheeks flushed a mortified red.

"Like what?" Megatron drawled our lazily as he looked at him from his game of chess with Barricade, who was currently frowning at the chessboard where Megatron got him into very fine crosshairs.

If possible, Harry became even deeper red. "W-well, they wrote about how we met and how we - _youknowwhat._ _"_ He said the last sentence as fast as possible, making it more of an unrecognizable mulch of words than a proper sentence. He shifted on the couch, trying to curl into himself with mortification.

 _"_ _Youknowwhat?_ _"_ Megatron tilted his head, confused. "I am afraid I don't know what. Care to elaborate?" He flicked a smirk at Barricade's little escapade with black rook attacking his white knight.

"S-Sex!" The wizard managed to spit out, hurling the innocent (yeah right) laptop at Megatron's head.

The Decepticon leader calmly intercepted the projectile and opened it.

"So what? It isn't real, it's only imagination – " He commented, only to stare at the words on the screen.

There, word for word, was a description of his escapade with Harry only three weeks ago. And what's more, someone also dared to include photos of them in a very… intimate position.

Eyes wide, he looked at the name of the author - **_LoverMan237_** \- and narrowed his eyes.

There was no one there then, he was sure of it.

But how, _how_ for the Unicron's sake, did that fragging squishy know such details - they even described Harry's tattoo to the smallest possible details and nobody, absolutely nobody knew about it, aside from Harry, them, and his physician.

"I will _kill_ them." He stated, not with fury, but with the calm, dead conviction of one that knew his prey's doom was not a possibility but a cruel, 100% certainty.

Barricade chuckled evilly. "Careless again!" he teased, only for Megatron to shoot him a deadpan look as he perused something on the laptop before turning it around and showing the contents to the confused grounder.

Dark eyes looked at the words disinterestedly, but then, they zeroed on the text and became wider and wider, with the jaw dropping with horror.

There. Black on white, was his cute little encounter in Weasleys' orchard with him sucking Harry off while his little wizard was trying to be quiet as not to be discovered by that red-headed harpy of a fangirl of his.

"Holy heterodyne. How did they know!?" He yelped out as he tried to reach for the laptop, but Megatron snagged it back, only for it to be snatched out of his hands by Starscream.

"Oh, ** _LadyN_** finally updated!" The Seeker squealed, causing the two mechs and one wizard to look at him with horror.

"What is _wrong_ with you!" Harry demanded as he leapt from the couch, green eyes wide as he watched Starscream happily browse through the - he didn't know how to call it. Paparazzi collection?

Starscream paused, looked at the spooked wizard that was snagged into Megatron's overprotective hug, and then turned his attention back to the laptop. "What? You have to admit, she is a good writer and her descriptions suit you three to a T….don't they?" He blinked at one particular story. "Huh, and she even got me, Harry and chocolate scene rather well, thought it could be better," he sniffed primly.

Harry made a wounded noise. "But - this was - so _racy_! If I had known how that would've been described I would've never - !" He blubbered, his voice ending in a squeak when Megatron bit his neck.

"Oh, really?" Barricade blinked with interest. "Maybe it would be a good research material to… _one-up_ him."

He leered at the now gawping wizard salaciously.

"Try it and fail." Starscream scoffed, throwing him the laptop, which Barricade caught with an ease borne of long practice.

"Oh, I _will_. " Barricade promised darkly, a sinful smirk on his lips. "I will make you eat dust."

Challenge issued, they returned back to the prey - ahem, object of their affections, only to see an empty armchair.

"Fragging slagger." Starscream growled. Megatron just _had_ to upstage both of them, didn't he?

But the question remained - just who was the mystery writer that got exclusive insight in their sexual lives?

* * *

**_13)_ ** **_Mortal (Harry)_ **

They never bothered with the question of mortality. Even when they lived at Cybertron, through the uprising, the civil war, and all the infighting through the known galaxy, this was one of the things that eluded them on a scarily regular basis.

Yes, they knew their lives weren't guaranteed by far, but then, there weren't many beings in the space that had their lifespan, so they concerned themselves with their own species.

But that all changed when they met one very special squishy.

They knew this race of squishies - humankind – was a very short-lived one. Most of the fleshbags only lived one vorn, and for Cybertronians, who literally lived more than hundred times of this time frame, they were but a blink in their optics.

Humans were squishy, extremely fragile and barely - by their standards - technologically advanced. Their primitive attempts to reach into space were amusing, like watching a toddler trying to outrun a professional athlete.

But for all their foolishness, bloodthirsty nature, and short lifespans, Harry somehow became an exception to the norm.

How could it be that this tiny, soon-to-be-dead squishy got such a hold on their sparks?

They dreaded the day when Harry would be forced to leave them behind, to join the Well of Sparks or Heaven, what humans called the afterlife.

It was an ever-present fear, that made them linger a little bit longer with their touches and hugs, spend a little bit more of their time with Harry, even if they just watched him do his own thing, be it cooking, gardening or flying, and just… being there with him.

Their sparks, glowing for so long, with such a fierce light, shuttered with the reminder that one day, those viridian eyes won't be there to look at them, that the voice that was calling for them now would one day resound only in their memory files. That one day, they would fall back, and deeper, into the abyss they had been somehow dragged in by the spark that was one Harry James Potter.

* * *

**_14)_ ** **_Street-wise_ **

Despite his posh appearance and better-than-thou attitude, Starscream was a street rat. It was with a reason that he was the leader of his trine with Skywarp and Thundercracker - he may be the youngest one of the trine, but it was his skills and his cunning that kept their heads above the proverbial water. Despite his almost preternatural ability with Warping, Skywarp was more of a childish moron than anything else, and Thundercracker was always a little too honorable for his own good.

Starscream was one that planned how to get the all-too-needed energon, how to scrape together enough spare parts to upgrade their frames, amateurish they were, and then, how to get into Megatron's semi-good graces before everything went to the Pit.

It was Starscream who found a kindred soul in one Harry James Potter at first, when he saw those green eyes, wary and alone, the slight, malnourished body under the flight jumpsuit, the almost preternaturally fast reflexes of a hunted bird set among a crowd of starved cats.

It was this that made him - after he came through his dazed of admiration of his new pilot's preternatural - _Seeker-like_ \- flying skills – consider the fragile meatbag as something more than a temporary amusement.

And then, when Harry touched him, it was like _sky/home/safety/danger/adventure_ and he knew, that he would covet this little spark with all the possessiveness he had developed as a dock brat on Iacon's shores.

* * *

**_15)_ ** **_Bonds_ **

Decepticons were never big on bonds. Sure, there were some that still respected the old laws and bonds that came with them, but Decepticons as a whole didn't have anything to hold them together, aside from blood thirst, revenge, sheer violence, and glee when they wrecked anything and everything in their conquest of universe.

But strangely, violence, as some found out, was never the answer.

At least not when it came to their own little spark.

Starscream knew he was a turncoat of the worst order - alternatively kowtowing to Megatron and then trying to overthrow him. But despite his street-rat roots, even he knew that Megatron had gone too far when he joined The Fallen. This was the bolt that broke the proverbial bridge into smithereens. He had risked his own life when he flew in the fight on Autobots' side, being a recipient of 'friendly fire' more often than not when he tried to stop the Fallen along with Jetfire - not that it helped much - and the total damage he accumulated by the end of that particular battle was… horrifying. He was never comfortable with relying on his other sense aside his optics, but now, he was forced to do just that. Thankfully, his holoform projector was whole, even if he was technically blind as the damages somehow translated into his holoform.

Barricade was a weird mish-mash of honor, appreciation for art, and bloodlust, aimed at Autobots. He hadn't protested against Megatron's insane scheme like Starscream did, but he didn't do anything to truly derail it either, half-heartedly chasing after Witwicky and his entourage in pretense of catching them. Frag that little truce they had going with Autoslags - and frag Megatron too, the aft was too dumb by far to resolve things all by himself.

So Barricade played some kind of a double agent, trying to give the Autobots some hints while pretending to be Fallen's little lapdog. For Unicron's sake, he even left that yapping ball of fur and urine alive when it relieved itself on his ped, didn't he?! If that wasn't proof of his honoring that beyond malfunctioned truce, then Barricade didn't know what else it would have been.

Frenzy - Frenzy was collateral damage in all that mess. As much as it pained him, losing his long-standing partner in crime hurt more than any of the physical wounds. It was like some important part of his being was suddenly hacked off, without a warning, with a white-hot pain in the back of his processor that made him shutter his optics dumbly and be for a few moments, quite an excellent target for his enemies. It was by a sheer dumb luck that he had managed to survive with just scrapes on his chassis, more or less.

But what hurt the most - what hurt the most, was finding Harry, dull-eyed, broken, unresponsive and barely clinging to life, the wonderful energy that flown around him now only the weakest lick of flame surrounding his body.

Megatron was the culprit, instigator, savior and the guilty one, all rolled in one. The usually brash, arrogant and foolhardy leader of Decepticons was now uncharacteristically quiet, and - dare they say it - even timid – when he approached Harry's berth.

Harry himself had suffered heavily bruised ribs, on the verge of breaking, but the worst of it was that dull unresponsiveness in his eyes. Sure, he still replied to his doctors, even managed a joke or two, but when it came to the subject of the Decepticon, the three in his room in particular, he clammed up in an expressionless mask faster than one could say Snitch.

And yet…they were in his room, looking at his sleeping face, like silent sentinels of broken faith and guardians of dead hope.

* * *

**16)** **Unofficial**

It was officially unofficial. Or was it unofficially official? Harry didn't know, but what he did know was that somehow, those three idiots managed get it to look like they were together.

As in - _together-together_. As in, Harry being their owner in more than a… vehicular way.

The three of them - Megatron, really – managed to somehow acquire a license for a polygamous relationship - Harry hadn't even _known_ that form even existed – and lo and behold, next time they had to go to some idiotic gala hosted by Ministry of Magic, Harry nearly had a heart attack when they were announced as his spouses.

The press present did have heart attacks - or at least Rita Skeeter had one.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer person.

That aside, Harry was very, very grateful to have the means to keep that particular secret firmly swept under the rug. (Being owed multiple Life Debts was a life saver in such an occasion, no matter the three 'cons protests.) In fact, Harry noted, with some chagrin that the 'Cons were actually responsible for him using his Slytherin cunning in hitherto unknowingly vast quantities.

The same night, he was also persuaded to hold nuptials on the multiple surfaces of his home. (So much about his cunning.)

Suffice to say next morning in Harry's room there were four occupants - one was a very bow-legged, and temporarily-dead-to-the-world wizard. The other three were 'Cons who were smugly wrapped around his form, with the bonding bracelets around their right wrists gleaming softly in the morning light.

* * *

**_/To Be Continued/_ **


End file.
